You may think that the words you use don’t really matter,well they do. Words drift from being in vogue to being unfashionable. Words carry different meanings across culture and time.Words spoken with power can empower. Words spoken in anger can destroy.
Taking time to reflect on language is time well spent. Especially today when words are everywhere and often taken out of context.
“Studying how people use language - what words and phrases they unconsciously choose and combine- can help us better understand ourselves and why we behave the way we do.” Alex Shashkevich
“It is fair to say that 1950s slang was a vernacular that became a primal language for teenagers who sought independence and liberation while also continuing to reflect the traditional values and lifestyle of the times.” (www.dictionary.com)Words like bash, square, and radioactive had a whole different meaning to teens in the 50s than they did to their parents. When I was a teen everything was “cool”, I remember my mother telling me “If you say that one more time I’m sending you to your room.” Today’s teens wouldn’t dare use that term.
Not only are words a sign of the times, more importantly the words you use reflect your beliefs, and impact your actions.
Just like a song that is played over and over again on the radio can lose its appeal and its impact, so can words. Words such as, hero, trauma, and bullying are words I feel have been so overused that the true essence of the words has been lost. They have become words I love to hate.
One student rolling their eyes at another is referred to as bullying, a person doing the job they were hired to do is called a hero, and life events that nearly even human experiences are labeled trauma.
As a society when we do this with our language we somehow diminish the people who are really heroes, those that have experienced true trauma and both children and adults who are repeatedly bullied day after day. I’m not saying these things don’t matter, in fact I’m claiming the exact opposite.
I truly believe these words matter!
They represent some of the greatest and most tragic experiences and when you use them for everyday events they lose their clout.
I worked in a jail teaching life skills and I met people who were bullied every day for years, who had suffered devastating trauma at a very young age and are still trying to repair their psyche. I grew up in an era when friends and neighbors were sent to Vietnam to fight a war and never recovered from their traumatic experiences. I was alive and watched Martin Luther King’s I Have a Dream speech, saw Nelson Mandela receive the Nobel Peace Prize in 1993, and read about Mother Theresa becoming canonized nine years after her death. These people were heroes.
I wish we could be more precise with our language.
There are times when language needs to take on new meaning and there are times when we need to hold fast to the true meaning of the word.
This second group of words/phrases that I love to hate, shift the power outside of you. Words like “made/make”, “have to”, “should” and it’s close cousin “could” and last but certainly not least “trigger”. No I’m not talking about Roy Rogers horse.
As a consultant I often trained counselors and one of their prized questions was “How did that/he/she/it make you feel? Don’t get me wrong, feelings are important. However, this question places the power in the hands of that/he/she/it not the individual being asked.
It's what I call the magic wand question.
A small shift is to ask “When _______ happened how did you feel?” Now the person being asked has the power.
Trigger is another word that gives the power to that/he/she/it. Triggers are automatic. Remember you have the power to decide to pull the trigger.
It is the power of the pause
that allows you to act rather than react.
Similarly when you say “I have to ____.” you diminish your sense of freedom. What you do and say is a choice, and each choice you make comes with natural consequences.
Own your choices!
Should and could are the softer side of “have to.” The real danger is when these are spoken when talking about a past event. Face it, we have not yet invented a time machine you cannot go back and make another choice. Besides, you have no guarantee a different choice would have produced the result you hoped for
Stop wasting your energy on the past and focus on the here and now. Stop burying yourself in a pile of should, instead stand on the summit of the choices you have made. All of these words/phrases reflect a belief in your inability to act on the world around you. Using them allows you to blame something or someone outside of you for the life you are living.
Recognize you are powerful!
Credits:
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