One of the most catchall terms a parent will use to describe any unpleasant act that occurs between their child and other(s) regardless of context (in the classroom, on the playground, in line to go to lunch, online) is bullying.
As an administrator I don’t blame any parent or guardian for being concerned about their child’s health or well-being.
In fact I believe parents have a right to hold schools accountable for providing a safe learning ecosystem for all children to thrive both academically and behaviorally.
However, Tolentino's aptly titled, When Everything is Bullying, Nothing is Bullying, articulates the concerns educators and administrators face when parents are quick to categorize every type of interaction that may cause their child discomfort or displeasure into a “catchall term” for bullying.
Every negative interaction from a perpetrator can not be measured in equal in terms. Nor can we assume to equalize the type of physical, socio-emotional and/or psychological harm perceived by those targeted.
For example, If someone were to take a pencil off your desk without your permission and refuse to return it when you asked them to do so, it would cause you - and any reasonable person - to be irritated with the situation at hand.
Both the act itself and the person who caused you harm are rude. You should rightfully be disappointed in their actions and want to hold them accountable.
But this act, in isolation, would NOT be considered an act of bullying.
However, if this one example turned into a pattern of systematic intentionality by a someone who has power and privilege over another of inferior status in order to exact harm purposefully, we definitely have a case of bullying on our hand.
Any pattern of intentional harm requires all stakeholders - from educators, administrators and families - to support both the intended target(s) and perpetrator(s) immediately. Each participant in the negative power structure deserves professional support and targeted resources to resolve the matter.
At San Diego Global Vision Academy (SDGVA) our top priority is to maintain a safe and healthy learning ecosystem for students to learn and grow.
The following guidelines provided by Signe Whitson, author and national educator on bullying prevention, help to distinguish between acts considered rude, mean and bullying so teachers, administrators, parents and students know what to pay attention to and when we need to intervene on a child's behalf.
At parent-teacher conferences this year we reviewed a detailed chart (see below) with families to provide concrete definitions for a new behavior continuum.
This year we will request our parents/guardians review a simplified version of this chart with their child(ren) to give them a common language framework to refer to when discussing events that occur on a daily basis.
This type of language framework: Rude vs. Mean vs. Bullying will help our community have nuanced ways to discuss human behavior without throwing all harmful acts under one catchall term: bullying.
As a tool for conversation it will allow our administration to show parents/guardians what type of behaviors define their child as either a perpetrator or target.
Once identified we can actually begin the real work of finding reasons for the behavior and what type of resources are needed to rectify the matter altogether.
As social justice advocates we are both cautiously and contentiously aware of the political power embedded in the language choices we make on a daily basis:
Since we believe bullying, harassment, and abuse refer to harmful things we know it is important to identify each one clearly. It is in all of our best interest to watch these definitions and to not think of them as simply words that can be either substituted synonymously or misused altogether.
"When we improperly classify rudeness and mean behavior as bullying -- whether to simply make conversation or to bring attention to their short-term discomfort -- we run the risk of becoming so sick and tired of hearing the word....
That this actual life-and-death issue among young people will lose its urgency as quickly as it rose to prominence. (Whitson, 2016)
Our children's lives are depending on it.
Credits:
Created with images by PublicDomainPictures - "book hardcover text" • Alexas_Fotos - "one against all all against one discussion" • geralt - "bullying child finger" • kaboompics - "pencils writing write" • pixel2013 - "gulls fun photo composing" • Wokandapix - "teach word scrabble" • Wokandapix - "hope word letters" • stokpic - "children kids school" • TeroVesalainen - "thought idea innovation"