Saying "NO" Saying No has always been important, but perhaps never as essential a skill as it is today..
In this age of knowledge revolution, we have more information and more choices than ever before. But we have more decisions to make and less time to make them as the pace of life picks up greater speed with technological advance. Saying 'No' is one of the biggest challenge of today !!
Most of our problems today surfaces from saying 'YES' when we should be saying 'NO'...
"A 'No' uttered from deepest conviction is better and greater than a 'Yes' merely uttered to please, or what is worse, to avoid trouble." - Mahatma Gandhi
At the heart of difficulty in saying 'No' is the tension between exercising our power and tending to our relationship.
Exercising our power, while central to the act of saying 'No', may strain our relationship, whereas tending to our relationship may weaken our power..
1. ACCOMMODATE : This is a situation when we say 'YES' when we want to say 'NO'
usually it's driven by FEAR
2. ATTACK : This is a situation when we say 'YES' poorly with a desperate & poor execution
usually it's driven by ANGER
3. AVOID : This is a situation When we say nothing at all and hope for the problem to go away over time by its own
usually it's driven by lack of INFORMATION
The Three A's - Accommodate, Attack & Avoid are 'three a-traps' to say 'YES'....
Fortunately, there's a way out of the trap. It requires us to challenge the common assumptions that either we can use power to get what we want ( at the cost of relationship ) or we can use relationship ( at the cost of power ). It calls to use both at the same time - engaging the other in a constructive and respectful confrontation. This is called a 'Positive NO'...
What distinguishes a 'Positive NO' from negative 'Three a-traps' is for 'Positive NO' situation, we give full respect to ourselves and what is important for ourself. We ourselves has full incentive to carry it forward to the success.
According to the sages of ancient India, there are three fundamental processes at work in the Universe - creation, preservation & transformation. A 'Positive NO' is essentially a combination of all these three processes.
' Positive NO' Addresses three gifts for us
The best outcome of mastering the 'Positive NO' is the freedom to discover who we are. If we can learn how to say No skill fully and wisely, we can create what we want, protect our own value, and change what doesn't work.
'No' is a complete sentence. It doesn't require justification or explanation. Say a positive 'NO' when it counts.
