at least I have words now by ants chua
In a culture that values romantic narratives, what happens to stories of friendship? With penetrating insight and delicately beautiful vocals, ants chua gives us a unique and generous glimpse into friendship's rich complexities.
An Interview With:
ants chua
What inspired you to write at least I have words now?
“...I think we are well-advised to keep on nodding terms with the people we used to be, whether we find them attractive company or not. Otherwise they turn up unannounced and surprise us, come hammering on the mind's door at 4 a.m. of a bad night and demand to know who deserted them, who betrayed them, who is going to make amends. We forget all too soon the things we thought we could never forget. We forget the loves and the betrayals alike, forget what we whispered and what we screamed, forget who we were.”
Every few years I revisit this quote by Joan Didion, from her essay collection Slouching Towards Bethlehem. Each time I reread it I am struck anew. I firmly believe that our relationships with each other are powerful. They can be fundamentally transformative forces in our lives. It’s the closest thing to a religion I have. My piece revisits a person I used to be, and the friends I used to have, meditating on the way that we move in and out of relationships with each other.
I’ve also been reading a lot about accountability lately, and what it means to offer a meaningful apology. To me, a meaningful apology incorporates saying, “This is what I plan to do differently in the future so that I won’t hurt you again.” In a way, to truly say sorry and be accountable for your actions is to leave a version of yourself behind.
Yet, it’s so important to keep on nodding terms with those selves and extend compassion to them – those versions of us who hurt others, often unintentionally, and often out of an inability to deal with our own pain. We learn from who we were, learn how to be better, and hopefully learn how to extend compassion to those who hurt us too.
What was it like interweaving prose, lyrics, and song together? How did you go about it?
The first song, Away, is actually something I’d written for awhile. What’s interesting to me is that this song framed how I wrote the rest of the piece, and in a way, the entire piece is a response to a song that’s a dispatch from a past self too.
I then wrote the main story, keeping Away in mind. There were times when I didn’t quite know what else to write, so I went back to old journal entries, or listened to Away again and again. I found myself writing chunks of story, opinion, and lyric prose, and arranged them to make sure that they wove seamlessly together, paying attention to the overall argumentative development of the piece as well as the emotional arc of the performance.
The trickiest part was crafting the second song, You Ask. I find conclusions the hardest part of writing, and this was no exception – it was the most re-worked segment of the entire piece. I kept writing and tossing out drafts. Between drafts I often felt, I’ve already said so much in the prose! What more can I say with this song?
Words are so often not enough to really say what we want to say, though they are often all we have, particularly in these times of isolation. But a poet I admire, William Carlos Williams, famously wrote, “no ideas, but in things”. There’s something unendingly magical about the way that using words to describe an item conjures an image of it in our mind’s eye, and about the way that images and items can come to mean so much more than the literal. The final version of You Ask returns to images and items, trusting them to help carry that which is intangible and inarticulable.
A large part of the development process happened during the Circuit Breaker. What were the challenges working on the material by yourself, and also, with the Checkpoint team?
We video-called once a week, and I wrote and revised my drafts in between. A lot of the time, I was developing the material alone but I also sent drafts to close friends and asked for their responses. I’m lucky to be supported by other artists who are generous and sensitive with their feedback.
Doing reads of the script over video call felt more tiring than in-person reads have in the past, in part because you don’t quite get a sense of how the people in the room are reacting. You can’t hear laughter when the mics are muted so that your audio is clearer, and the time lags make everything just a little off-kilter. I often left the reads unsure and insecure, because even if I received positive verbal feedback, it feels so much less real when you can’t pick up on body language cues like you can in person.
It was interesting to be developing this over video call, where the feeling for me was always like I was reaching out but never quite connecting with the other person, and that definitely fed into the writing and performance of the piece. And I think getting used to feeling like I couldn’t sense how my audience was reacting during script development was instructive. Performing to a camera during development meant that I felt quite comfortable during the filming!
Tell us a bit about the filming of Two Songs and A Story. What was unique about the process?
I bumped into Claire and Huzir as I arrived at the studio, and we saw some chickens hopping across the road. So our first words to each other in real life were not, “Hello” or “It’s so good to see you!” but, gesturing at the chickens, “WHY!??!” Filming took place on the first day of Phase 2, so it was the first time I was seeing people in person after months of being home with just my family.
It was slightly surreal to see everyone in person, and even more surreal to go from keeping to myself during Circuit Breaker to performing an intensely personal piece of writing. I felt lucky to feel comfortable with the Checkpoint Theatre team, because that allowed me to feel comfortable in front of the camera. For a lot of the shots, Huzir sat just behind the camera so that I’d have someone to speak to, and he was taking care to react visibly for my benefit. It was an incredibly intimate process.
Beyond the shoot itself, I really enjoyed getting to know Uncle Shah and Bella better over lunch, joking while running lines with Izz, having bubble tea with E-Sean between takes, and chatting with Nicole after filming. Online rehearsals just can’t quite replicate those small interactions with people that make you feel comfortable in and connected to the world.
What do you hope the audience will take away from your piece?
That it’s important to invest more time and attention into our friendships! That we should pay attention to our pain and spend time working through it. And that it is normal to mess up – what’s important is to say sorry and take responsibility when we fail.
Share with us two songs and a story you think everyone should check out.
“All Things New” by Leslie Low
“Fetch the Bolt Cutters” by Fiona Apple
Deaf Republic by Ilya Kaminsky
CREDITS
Written, Composed, and Performed by
ants chua, Inch Chua, Jo Tan, Rebekah Sangeetha Dorai, and weish
Directed by Huzir Sulaiman and Joel Lim
Created and Dramaturged by Huzir Sulaiman
Produced by Huzir Sulaiman and Claire Wong
Directors of Photography: Joel Lim and Jimmy Fok
Sound Recording and Mixing Engineer: Shah Tahir
Edited by Joel Lim
Unit Production Manager: Izz Sumono
1st Assistant Director: Isabella Goh
Script Supervisor: Wong Kar Mun Nicole
Camera Operators: Sheryl Soh, Antonio Lam, and Ian Yeow
Anime Illustrations by Althea Duncombe
A production of Checkpoint Theatre with the support of Calibre Pictures
FOR CHECKPOINT THEATRE:
Engagement: Faith Ng and Myle Yan Tay
Marketing and Publicity: Lum E-Sean and Wong Kar Mun Nicole
Intern: Adeline Loh
FOR CALIBRE PICTURES:
Producer: Ken Zhang
Copyright ©2020 Checkpoint Theatre Limited
ABOUT THE CREATIVE & PRODUCTION TEAM
Writer, Composer, Performer | at least I have words now
ants chua writes, directs, and performs. They most recently directed Beside Ourselves (2020) by .gif as part of the M1 Singapore Fringe Festival, and worked as an Assistant Director and Musician on Checkpoint Theatre's Displaced Persons' Welcome Dinner (2019) and Thick Beats for Good Girls (2018). ants also co-wrote, co-directed, and performed in Flamingos (2018), an original creative work which explored vulnerability and intimacy. They are interested in careful critique, disruptive play, and reimagining the social world.
Writer, Composer, Performer | Super Q
Inch Chua is an international recording and performing artist born in Singapore, educated in fine arts, and inducted into the music industry in Los Angeles. Her passion for the arts, wild places, and technology has led her to play at numerous festivals around the world and to experiment in a variety of art forms. An appreciator of good gin, random animal factoids, and dense film essays, Inch was a recipient of the National Youth Award in 2018 for her contributions in the arts and was recently awarded Best Sound at The Straits Times Life Theatre Awards 2020 for her multisensory theatrical music production 'Til The End Of The World, We'll Meet In No Man's Land (2019). She is currently based in Singapore with her two cats and nursery of plants.
Writer, Composer, Performer | A Bit
Jo Tan is an actress, singer, and host who trained in Paris, and has performed internationally to audiences in New York, London, Beijing, and Yeosu. In Singapore, she won Best Actress at The Straits Times Life Theatre Awards 2020 for her one-woman show Forked (2019), and was nominated for Best Supporting Actress in 2018 for her performance in Checkpoint Theatre's FRAGO (2017). Additional television and film credits include Mediacorp Channel 5's 20 Days (2018), Scrum Tigers (2019), Channel 8’s Jalan Jalan (2018), Ho Tzu Nyen's Cannes official selection film, Here (2009), and Tiong Bahru Social Club (upcoming). Jo has also starred in various online productions including Daniel Yam's The Helper, and her self-penned King, featured in the T:>Works NOW Festival 2020.
Writer, Composer, Performer | And Then I Am Light
Rebekah Sangeetha Dorai is an actor, singer, and voiceover artist. Recent selected theatre credits include her critically acclaimed solo show, Building A Character (Wild Rice’s Singapore Theatre Festival 2018), Discord of Discourse (UK, 2018), The Art of Strangers’ Miss British (Esplanade’s The Studios 2019), Eloquence (in collaboration with Santiago, Chile, 2019), and Three Fat Virgins Unassembled (T:>Works, 2019), for which she was nominated for Best Supporting Actress at The Straits Times Life Theatre Awards 2020. Sangeetha has also written songs for the stage - in early 2019, she debuted her solo jazz concert Sangeetha Sings Sinatra: Live at the Esplanade. Her next concert, Sangeetha & Simone, is slated for 2020/21. Follow her quirky dogs and music @ms.dorai or msdorai.com.
Writer, Composer, Performer | Be Here, With Me
weish is a versatile artist whose work spans genres and disciplines. Her compositions have taken her around the globe –– from the Sundance Film Festival (US) to the Golden Melody Awards (Taiwan) –– and she has toured across Europe, Australia, and Asia as part of electronic duo .gif and experimental group sub:shaman. Other international collaborations include her construction of sound art installations in London and her work with DJs in Tokyo. As a theatre-maker, weish was the Musical Director for Checkpoint Theatre’s Displaced Persons’ Welcome Dinner (2019) and writer-performer in Beside Ourselves (2020), a form-bending production presented by .gif for the M1 Singapore Fringe Festival. In Two Songs and a Story, weish presents her most difficult work to date, laying bare a part of herself she never thought she could show anyone. More about her at wweishh.com.
Creator, Dramaturg, Co-Director, and Co-Producer
Huzir Sulaiman is the co-founder and Joint Artistic Director of Checkpoint Theatre. A critically acclaimed and award winning playwright, his Collected Plays 1998-2012 was published in 2013. His most recent play, Displaced Persons’ Welcome Dinner, was a commission of the 2019 Singapore International Festival of Arts. Recent directing credits include Thick Beats for Good Girls (2018), FRAGO (2017), The Good, the Bad and the Sholay (2015). Currently an Adjunct Associate Professor with the National University of Singapore’s University Scholars Programme, Huzir has taught playwriting at many other institutions. Huzir was educated at Princeton University, where he won the Bain-Swiggett Poetry Prize, and is a Yale World Fellow.
Co-Director, Co-Director of Photography, and Editor
Joel Lim is a fashion and celebrity photographer who has been translating his eye from one frame to many, dedicating his time and passion for unique compositions to the moving image. Photographing stills for the past decade and directing commercial advertising for the past three years, his latest project with Checkpoint Theatre allows him to capture his love of performance for the screen.
1st Assistant Director
Isabella Goh is a filmmaker and theatre production coordinator who is interested in creating work that is immersive, poignant, and thought-provoking. She recently graduated from the University of Reading, UK with a BA in Film and Theatre.
Her most recent project with Checkpoint Theatre involved the planned filming of Lucas Ho’s play, The Heart Comes to Mind (2020). She was also the Assistant Production Coordinator for Eat Duck (2019) and FRAGO (2017). Isabella has worked on multiple short films in the UK. She directed, produced and co-wrote Chasing Clementine (2020) and ALTER (2019). The former received considerable notice and was shortlisted by Stardust Fantasy Film Festival.
She would like to thank Claire and Huzir for the trust and opportunities they've given to her over the years.
Sound Designer
Shah Tahir is a Sound Designer and Engineer who has been involved in various aspects of the audio and music industry for over 20 years. He has also arranged and composed for Mediacorp Channel 8 television series. Shah currently serves as the Audio Consultant and Sound Designer for the National Day Parade (2009-2020), corporate events and ‘live’ television broadcasts. His passion has led him to work on numerous theatrical productions with theatre companies such as Checkpoint Theatre, Dream Academy, Toy Factory, and Wild Rice.
Unit Production Manager
Izz Sumono is the Production (Senior Executive) at Checkpoint Theatre. She started out in the industry as a dresser, which later sparked her passion in the performing arts, leading to a role in production. Izz has worked on various stage productions and major events. She enjoys engaging in productions of different art forms and being part of the collaborative creative process.
Co-Producer
Claire Wong is the co-founder, Joint Artistic Director, and Producer of Checkpoint Theatre. She is trained in both Asian and Western performing arts, obtaining her Master of Fine Arts from Columbia University.
As a theatre director, Claire recently directed Lucas Ho's The Heart Comes to Mind (2020), Zenda Tan’s Eat Duck (2019), Huzir Sulaiman’s Displaced Persons’ Welcome Dinner (2019), commissioned by the Singapore International Festival of Arts, and Dana Lam’s Still Life (2019). As an actress, she has performed in landmark Singapore productions and in international arts festivals. She co-wrote and performed Recalling Mother (2009, 2016, 2017), which played in Singapore, New York, Brisbane and Adelaide.
ABOUT CHECKPOINT THEATRE
Checkpoint Theatre is a company of multi-disciplinary storytellers. We focus on creating and presenting original Singapore content with strong writing, performance and direction, across different media, disciplines and platforms.
With honesty and humour, head and heart, we produce and develop vibrant and important contemporary Asian stories that connect with, challenge, and inspire both local and international audiences. We are the home of new Singapore playwriting and we nurture the next generation of Singapore theatre-makers and creatives.
STAY IN TOUCH
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