There is a multitude of things I'm not very good at. These things range from walking and texting at the same time to expressing my feelings. I've never really had a niche. And going into high school, I began to notice everyone was finding theirs. After trying choir, orchestra, band, English, foreign languages, and track I finally found rugby.

From a young age I was called weird and such, but I never really cared much; I would always just go about doing my own thing. Like many other kids my age, I played soccer and loved it! Although I was in grade four and I probably exerted minimal effort, I found the sport to be a stress reliever. Something about running up and down the field, being competitive, knowing you've got a support group right behind you so if you get stuck you're not stuck alone-- it was borderline therapeutic.

When I moved to Indiana, I knew nobody and had no motivation to change that. My grades suffered and so did my mental health. I was a very sad child looking back at it. Then I was in denial that I was depressed, but I know now I was. A mere two and a half years later, I finally made friends in middle school, which was a huge step forward for me. But I still lacked the ability to be social with other kids. Around this time my family and I realized I had a few anger issues, and the only friend who knew of these issues was Mattie Chambers. She said to try rugby because she played and thought it would help with my anger. All I knew of rugby was that it was a predominantly male sport and it was often played in England and such places. But my social issues ultimately stopped me from joining the team.

Fast forward four years. I was a junior in high school sitting at a lunch table with a group of friends when Harmony Mauer plops down her tray and stares intently into my eyes. And without breaking our staring contest, she says to me,"You're joining the rugby team, call outs are tonight. Lexy, you're going too. There are cute boys and you get to tackle people." If you'd ever seen Harmony with her 6' stature and masculine, athletic build you'd understand why I was afraid to do anything other than show up for that call out practice.

Stepping onto the pitch for the first time was probably the closest I'd come to an anxiety attack in my entire life. There was so much to remember. How do you throw a rugby ball? How do I get into the scrum without breaking my neck? If I tackle someone will they be okay? Will I be okay? Despite all the rookies running around like chickens with their heads cut off, we won 83-0 our first game of the season. No words can describe being tackled at full force for the first time. I thought I was dying and being born again all at the same time. But the moment. My body hit the ground. I understood how rugby worked.

Stepping onto the rugby pitch for my last game was a totally different experience. Now I judged every aspect of the pitch: the length of the grass, the divots in the ground, or even the fact that there weren't rugby uprights at either end of the field. Now I'm a starting flanker and I'm ready to kill Pike next year. We'd played them before and won 17-0, but in this final match they beat us 36-0. Walking onto that pitch I knew I had something to contribute this time. I knew when and where to throw the ball, how to tackle, and who to tackle for that matter. Instead of a timid rookie, I was a rugby player.

Rugby taught me more than how to channel my anger. It taught me to be a better person. I didn't expect to learn so much about myselfI. I became more comfortable with myself, and I learned I could push myself to become better and stronger. I accept my body and my personality, I'm no longer that tall clumsy girl who didn't know what to do with her hands. Now I can walk through the halls with my head held high. When I joined Chaos Rugby I joined a family. They've showed me that every flaw you have can be turned into a strength. I never thought I could run a mile, let alone tackle someone while running full speed and not feel absolutely terrible about it. I'm a strong, confident, and valuable woman. I could have never said that four years ago. But thanks to rugby and my newfound family, I can say I am with out a second thought.