In The Zombie Zone An Adventure with The Phearless Photographers Frank & Rosie
Well, the day started quietly enough: Saturday morning cartoons and a bowl of Cheerios. I was on my third Three Stooges episode when my reverie was broken. "Frankie! Joo edi-toor wans us to do a chob...too-day! Rrite now!!"
Rosie held out the phone with a roll of her big eyes, while silently mouthing the words, "Tell heem no!" I grabbed the phone, swallowed a spoonful of cereal and said in my most disinterested voice, "Matt! Good to hear from you! So, you have a job for us - we were planning to take it easy today..." I said, hoping my reticence would convince him to call somebody else. "Frank, it's a short parade in Asbury Park... I just need you guys to get me some pics of the kids in their costumes. No one else is available, and I need to run the story next week. Apologies for the short notice. Can you do it?"
"Let me see if Rosie had any other plans for us today...Nope, Rosie says we're good to go!", I said, while Rosie glared at me vigorously shaking her head and silently screaming "No! No!" "Great!" Matt said, "The parade starts at 4!" After I hung up the phone, Rosie gave me her best 'look'. "Meester, joo owe me beeg for dis!" I knew better than to argue, "I'll make it up to you." And with that we packed our gear and headed out to AP.
My mind wandered to sunny scenes of bliss...when all too quickly reality intruded upon my idyllic vision and we hit a brick wall of traffic!
"Holy Crap! I hope we find parking!" "Dun worry...I pray to La Virgen De La Parking to find us a place!", Rosie said. So while she recited her novenas, I drove around and sure enough, we found a choice spot...eight blocks from the beach! "Man, I'm sure NOT looking forward to lugging all our stuff...!" "Shhh! Dun let La Virgen hear joo...be glad we got dis!", Rosie quipped.
Whoa! This guy was big, and none too friendly looking! Did he just come from a fight? And what's up with his girlfriend?! "Nah, sorry, we don't smoke!", I said. Rosie grabbed my arm tighter and pulled me away..."Sorry for joo, we gotta go...Hava nice day!", and under her breath to me, "I dun like dem...less go!", she said. So we split and went to McCloone's to grab a bite...Hey! It was lunchtime! But on the way we ran into some very strange characters...
"Madre Santa!", Rosie exclaimed, while I regained my breath. This looked like a GhostBuster's convention on Dia Los Muertos! I never saw so many...wait a minute... Zombies! That was it! "Queek...less eet while we steel can!", said Rosie as we entered McCloone's. I ordered a double tequila to steady my nerves. "I weel have a glasso wine, pleez.", Rosie told the bartender...looks like a liquid lunch today, I thought. A little calm before the storm. We looked around...things seemed normal enough...so we got ready to go shoot the parade. That's when we saw this...
Uh oh...time to go! Quicker than you can say BeetleJuice we skedaddled. Once we found a quiet place to catch our breath, Rosie pleaded with me, "Papito! I dun like dis! Sumsing tells me we chood forget dis chob...ees bedder we go home!" I thought for a minute...then in a rare burst of courage and pride I said, "Hold on there! Do we just turn tail and run??!" Rosie lowered her head in her hands, "I knew it...here cums dee eh-spitch!", she groaned.
"Are we not professionals?!", I said. "Jes, we are profession-ales.", she answered. "Have we ever quit?!" "No, we have never to quit." "Do we always complete our assignments?!" "Jes, we alwaze cumplit our assignments." "Aren't we the Intrepid, Fearless Photographers?!" "Jes, what joo say...Ay Dios Mio!!" "What we need to do is blend in, then we won't be so conspicuous!", I concluded.
"Hokay, Meester Eh-Smartee! An how joo plan to do dat??", Rosie cried. "Easy!", I said, "We become Zombie photographers!" And after a lightning quick transformation ( and a few fervent prayers to San Judas Tadeo, Abogado De Lo Imposible - thanks, Rosie) we plunged deep into...
The Zombie Zone!
Look at that - married Zombies!
Tan Tan Ta-Ra! NewlyDeads!
Wow! She's got that zombie look down!
Yeah...she took one look at heem...Bride an' Gloom!
Some assorted voodoo practitioners...
Uuy! Palo mayombe...cuidado!
Jake 'n' Flo...whaddaya-no!
Dey dun look like DAT in de commercials!
Hmmm...not sure what to make of them....aliens??
"We come in pieces!"
How cute...Homecoming King and Queen!
More like Prom Queen of the Dead!
Like Father, like son...a chip off the old schlock!
De boy axes his father, "Where's my mummy?"
Huh! Zombie JETS fan...and his football widow!
Yeah...straight from de "end" zone!
Hey!...aren't those "The Shining" twins?!
Hmmm...dey dun look too shiny now!
Boy, that is one hairy zombie!...
Hairy?...or scare-y!
Mummy and Daddy...but where's baby?
On de prowl, to be chure!
Can't make up his mind to split or quit!
Looks like he 'cut an run'!
This dude is one cool zombie!
A real cool ghoul!
Hey! Look, it's Freddie and Mrs. Krueger!
Freddie said, "Fresh Meat!! Need a hand?"
I dun t'ink he wants to help us, Papi!
Are they staring at us?
Not chure I like dis, Papi...
Fantastic!...and frightening!
Papi! Ima scared!!...
Notice more are now stopping to look at us?
Papi!...Ima tellin' joo...we chud go now!
She looks like she's praying...
Si...praying for us!
I don't like her stare!
Dis was a bad i-d!
I think these two want to meet us!
Papi, I t'ink dey want to EAT us!
Yikes! we've been made!
Si, dey want to make us for dinner!
Rosie! As always...you're right! Let's go!!
Ima gong already!!! Watchoo waitin' for??!
Whew! We barely got out of there! "We made it by de skin of our tith!, Rosie said, "Can we to go home now, plis?" "As always, Rosie, you are right. Let's go right now!", I agreed. But...we still had eight blocks to cross getting to the car! Well, it shouldn't be a problem, as most of the zombies were still in the Zone we just left. We were almost there when we ran into this guy...
Wha..? A zombie child??! And lost??! For the first time in my life I was speechless! For a child, he sure was big...but then, zombies were not exactly normal. Rosie's mother instinct kicked in immediately, "Ay, pobrecito! Are joo lost, liddle boy?" "Yes!", he cried, choking back a sob. "Well, eet so happens we sawr joor mami 'n papi! Cum, I choe joo where dey are...!" And with that, Rosie took him by the hand (claw?) and sent him happily on his way...
"Well that was real nice of you!", I told her as the sights of Asbury Park faded in the distance in the rear view mirror. "Joo know...", Rosie said thoughtfully, "zombies are no differen' den us. Dey jus' need to be understood!" "Yeah, I guess when they're not chomping on an arm or a leg they're ok.", I opined. "Still, I'd just as soon keep my distance!"
Well, a week has passed since our narrow escape and life is almost back to normal. We were just about to sit down for a nice prepared lunch, Rosie style, when the phone rang. It was Matt. "Hey Frank, the pics were great and we ran the story - front page! What a response! Everyone loves your work!" "Thanks, Matt. Ya think we can get paid now?", I said. "Huh? Oh that...don't worry, the check was sent out yesterday.", he said, "but I really called to see if you'd be interested in another assignment. Seems the Highlands has a similar zombie event day after tomorrow. Would you be interested?"
I looked at Rosie...her pleading look spoke volumes. "Not this time, Matt...we already have commitments. But thanks anyway." As I hung up the phone, Rosie smiled and said, "Frankie, choo got sum 'splainin' to do!"
Until the next adventure..
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