October is National Domestic Violence Awareness Month
Domestic violence is a pattern of behavior in a relationship where one individual is abusive to the other. The abusive individual holds power and control over their partner. Domestic violence cycles through three phases: Honeymoon, Tension Building, and Acute Explosion.
You or someone you know may be in a “phase” of abuse. Red flags may begin to surface during dating. Read on to learn more about the phases of the Domestic Violence Cycle.
Are you currently in one of these phases, or do you know someone who is?
You are not alone. It is NOT your fault. Help is available.
For further information about each phase, please see below.
Phase One: The “Honeymoon” Phase: How the Relationship Begins
This is the person you fall in love with, and, like it or not, what you will miss if you end the relationship. It might not be flowers and candy; it might be romantic walks, long phone calls, feeling as if you are soul mates. It might be discovering how much you seem to have in common or feeling that the person knows you better than anyone you have ever met. You can’t imagine this person doing anything mean or violent – after all, how could someone who loves you so much possibly do something to hurt you?
Phase Two: The Tension Phase: Walking on Eggshells
There might be “little things” that occur with your partner that you dismiss as unimportant, but they have an overall impact on your relationship that gets larger and larger over time. As the abusive partner tries to control you, there is a sense that you can avoid getting them mad if you just do what they want you to do. After a while, though, no matter what you do will be good enough, and you move to Phase Three.
Phase Three: The Explosion: The Shortest, but Most Dangerous Phase
The first explosion might be yelling and calling you names, but explosions can take a number of forms, including threatening to hurt you, throwing an object across the room, threatening to break up if you don’t agree, pushing you in anger, or more severe expressions of physical violence. Some people have been kicked, cut with a knife, beat up, choked, slapped, burned, and scratched. They have had their arm held so tightly it bruised, had their fingers bent, and been dumped out of the car. The explosion breaks the tension that has built up in Phase Two and doesn’t last long. But the violence expressed will get worse over time. Even if it is “only” verbal or emotional, chances are high that it will eventually become physical.
The Apology: Phase One Begins Again
This is the person you fell in love with, but somehow, even better. Of course, there are the promises that this will never happen again, and there will probably be gifts, a dinner out, a movie, or something that shows you how much that person loves you, and how sorry they are. They seem even sweeter in comparison to the explosion that just happened, and you may be confused by how you could have, only moments ago, been so scared and hurt. Also, you have just shared a very emotional experience, and it’s normal after “getting through” something together to feel even closer than before. This is the “hook” that keeps people stuck in the Cycle of Violence. What you need to remember is that no matter how close you may feel, if you are in one part of this three-part cycle, it’s not fair to you.
And the whole cycle continues again, and again, until you make the decision to leave.
One reason that it gets harder to leave as time goes on is that the tension and explosion slowly but surely depletes your self-esteem. You are more and more likely to believe that your violent partner’s behavior is your fault. That is why it is so important to learn to recognize the Cycle, so that you can get out early in the relationship.
Please view the following YouTube videos below to learn more about Domestic Violence / Intimate Partner Violence:
Videos are pre-recorded from October 2021. Group Session is no longer available.
If you recognize yourself in this Cycle, get help from someone you trust.
Give Green Haven 4 Help's 24-hour crisis line a call at (608) 325-7711. You do not have to give them your name. They can give you helpful information, or they can help you plan how to safely end the relationship.
Information provided by Green Haven 4 Help
Please contact your ASA/ADON for resources or complete a Student Support Counselor Referral if you are experiencing unmanageable mental health symptoms and/or experiencing unsafe conditions that are affecting your academic success. Your Student Support Counselor will be able to assess your symptoms and get you the help that you need.
Please attend Open Consultation hours available on Thursdays 10am-12pm/6pm-8pm using the link below.
(You do not need a referral form completed for Open Consultation)
YOU ARE NOT ALONE. WE ARE HERE FOR YOU.
Watch the video below to learn about our referral process to get resources and support.