Courtney, a missionary in Tanzania, looks back on a season of spiritual dryness, to help us see the warning signs in our own lives, and beckons us to look to Jesus to receive Living Water.
An entire season of dryness, a complete drought in my heart. The cracks grew deep. Sometimes it felt like the sun had been scorching down with great intensity. My fruit dried up and I failed to let myself be watered.
In the distance I saw promising rain clouds full of Living Water, but I neglected to ask them to come to me. The busyness of the season distracted me, and I let the pulls of life win.
There were certainly signs that my soul needed refreshment that only the Lord could give me. I was in a state of mind where I could not recognize that my brokenness was directly pointing back to my relationship with Christ. His Name was not being glorified in my life, and therefore I needed some major adjustment. Here are three signs, that looking back showed my need for Living Water.
1.) A lack of Joy in my Service
I began to have a lack of joy serving the Lord where He had placed me. Each time we would need to leave town for various reasons, coming back was more and more difficult. I had trouble facing that reality in my Spirit.
"O my heart, I pray you cease your roaming, and come home to God, who alone can help you." - Charles Spurgeon
There was no desire to jump back into ministry with my neighbors, who I have built good relationships with and the enemy started to taint my view toward them. I unconsciously started putting myself higher than them, looking at their sin but ignoring mine.
“We never grow closer to God when we just live life. It takes deliberate pursuit and attentiveness.” -Francis Chan
2.) I was not Bearing Fruit
My fruit dried up. The Lord has given me a joy in evangelism through small group Bible study with my neighbors, but I had let much time pass from when my last one ended. Essentially, I was becoming ‘only’ a housewife/mother to my family, instead of that and a light to my community.
“It is only into the thirst of an empty soul that the streams of living waters flow. Ever thirsting is the secret of never thirsting.” ― Andrew Murray
I was thirsting for Christ, but didn't realize it, and thus I was fruitless. I was ignoring the command that God gives us all to be lights of the world and the salt of the earth. Although, the Lord brought to mind two women to start studying with, my lack of motivation won and nothing was done.
“Abiding, not striving nor struggling; looking off unto Him; trusting Him for present power; trusting Him to subdue all inward corruption; resting in the love of an almighty Saviour . . . this is not new, and yet ‘tis new to me. . . . Christ literally all seems to me now the power, the only power for service; the only ground for unchanging joy.” - John McCarthy, Missionary to China (September 4, 1869 in a letter to Hudson Taylor).
3.) I became Irritable and Prideful
Not only was I not bearing the fruits of the Spirit. I grew to be a very irritable/proud person. Things that had not bothered me before, started to flare up my sinful nature. The Lord was using others to speak Truth into me, but I kept telling myself I had time to look into myself later, I told myself I was ok, but I wasn't.
It wasn’t until I hit a brick wall that the majority of my brokenness had come to light and I realized how far away from Christ I had wandered.
I chose to let the busyness of life distract me from focusing on my own heart. As I look back, I realize that it is a lot easier to choose busyness over looking at one's own sin. It is easier to focus on what needs to be done and the sin of those around you. When that gets easier, I now recognize that as a sign that I need to look inward.
Yet He is faithful, when I am not.
In my moments of complete despair, I didn’t have to move a step for the Lord to come to me; I only had to look to Him. When I had forgotten how to pray, he gave me the peace my heart so desperately needed.
"Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”Matthew 11:28-30 (ESV)
He reminded me that He was still working on His masterpiece. He was never far off, but through His love He let me veer off the path and used it to ultimately give me a new perspective of who He is and how important I am to Him. Going through that season of dryness gave me such a rich opportunity to grow in my relationship with Christ and for Him to speak His promises over me.
Living in this community, a place where the works of the flesh, like sexual immorality, impurity, idolatry, witchcraft, strife, jealousy, anger, envy, and drunkenness are highly evident has brought its challenges. I live in a place where the opportunities to share and live out your devotion to Christ are many, therefore it is certain that filling up from the Living Well is mandatory. Although my heart showed that I had forgotten my God, I’m excited that he gave me a new day with new mercies and new graces, a day where He drew me in and said, “that’s enough, my daughter, come to me.”
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Pray.
Pray for Courtney and other missionaries who are serving in spiritually dark and dry places. Pray they will abide in Christ as they continue the steadfast work that is proclaiming the truth of Jesus among a people that do not yet know Him.
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About the Author: Courtney is a missionary serving in Tanzania alongside her husband and children. One of her favorite things to do is to cook a large meal to share with the neighbors in their backyard. Her family has a passion for discipleship and the equipping of local believers. She looks forward to seeing what God will continue to do in her and through her family as they seek to obey Christ and make Him known.