One of the key ways you make sense of the world is by comparing. It starts when you are young. What is the difference between a car and an SUV? Is this a flower or a weed? What makes one thing good and something else bad? Is there a continuum of good to bad or bad to good? Is what you are doing serving you or not serving you?
Comparing is one of the basic ways you develop a sense of who you are.
When you haven’t established the criteria by which you want to evaluate your life, you tend to compare yourself to others. You look to the Joneses to evaluate your living accommodations. You scan Vogue, Elle or Harpers Bizarre to judge your appearance. You follow MaryBeth Hyland and Barbara Corcron to gauge your career success. You join the 6.7 million followers of the Family Talk Podcast with Dr. Dobson to assess your family’s happiness.
Yikes!
That's a whole lot to live up to. Today’s social media places others at your fingertips and engages your endorphins with every “like”.
Stop!
Remember no two humans are alike. Comparing yourself to others is an insult to nature and poisons your sense of self.
Social comparison is a natural way you evaluate how you are doing. You may engage in upward social comparison and feel dissatisfied and frustrated. Or perhaps you engage in downward social comparison so you can feel uplifted and successful. The first erodes your sense of self worth and can lead to resentment. The second drains your desire to meet your own goals and can bring a false sense of accomplishment.
What can you do?
1. Start with a broad stroke inventory of how you spend your 86,400 seconds a day?
Ask yourself:
- “How is comparing myself to others impacting my sense of well-being?”
- “How much of my time am I comparing myself to others versus working towards my own personal goals?”
- “Am I using others as inspiration or as a measuring stick?”
“Comparison is the death of peace and well-being.”(Anonymous)
How you spend your money and your mental energy should bring you joy, peace and contentment. Not frustration, angst and disappointment. Do you want to make some shifts? One way to start is by taking control of your social media.
2. Create your own metrics.
Comparing requires metrics. You need to know the criteria by which you will decide how your life is going. What data will you accept that you are becoming the person you really want to be? In Creating Your BE-Print™: Drafting Your Personal Blueprint for Living, I wrote “There are two problems facing most people: they do not apply self-discipline to creating the life they desire and most people have no clue what criteria on which to evaluate themselves.”
Define for yourself what you really want in terms of health, wealth, relationships, intellect, and spirituality. Focus on the priceless, and be sure it is doable.
“Your most precious, valued possessions and your greatest powers are invisible and intangible. No one can take them. You, and you alone, can give them. You will receive abundance for your giving.” W. Clement Stone.
3. Embrace an Abundance Mindset
When you have an abundance mindset you recognize there is enough to go around, and you stop thinking if they have it you can’t have it. Thinking abundantly allows you to let go of comparing yourself, and your accomplishments because it allows you to see others as inspirational rather than competition. You begin to celebrate others successes and open up pathways of your own.
Here is an excerpt from my upcoming book:
“Abundance vs. Scarcity - One of the most powerful constructs you hold is around the world as an abundant place or a place of limited resources (scarcity). Whichever mental model you favor will influence your thoughts and actions.
Take some time to look over the chart. What do you notice about your thoughts? How do your beliefs play out in your actions?”
“Having an abundance mindset is believing that you are created as more than enough, you have more than enough and more than enough is coming to you in the future.” Scott Epp
4. Count Your Blessings
Instead of focusing on your deficits - the areas of your life which are not the way you want them to be - focus on what you have. What are your internal and external assets. Think in terms of both the tangible and the intangible. These assets can serve you as you move forward on life’s journey. In fact these assets are directly linked to your passions.
Write down three things you really like about yourself - be specific.
Ex: I’m an excellent teacher. I understand that:
- Every learner constructs their own meaning
- Learning experiences need to be sensory rich
- Questions drive learning
- A learner must feel safe and able to take risks
- My job as a teacher is to create learning opportunities driven by the learners natural sense of curiosity
- Human behavior is a process of reducing the error between what a person wants and what they think they are getting
It doesn’t hurt that another one of my assets is my personal love for learning and helping others.
“We won’t be distracted by comparison if we are captivated with purpose.” Bob Goff
Let your assets be a springboard to your future. I use everything I know about teaching and learning to write my books, develop my videos, create my podcasts and build relationships. What are you so good at that you can’t help yourself? How might you leverage your strength(s) to support your goals?
You may also want to keep a gratitude journal, it can serve you as a regular reminder to focus on what you have, which is a reflection of your past thoughts and actions.
“Remember your mind is your greatest asset, so be careful what you put into it.” Robert Kiyosaki.
Be sure to include some priceless items.
Robert Louis Stevenson wrote that “The man is a success who has lived well, loved much, and laughed often.” Write your own quote - “A woman is a success who has _________, ________ much, and ______ often.” Use it each morning as a reminder of who you want to be in the world and measure yourself not by the success of others, but by your own unique success.
For more information about creating your own personal or leadership BE-Print (TM) reach out to me at MiamiEdGuru@gmail.com
Soulitude is also available on Apple Podcast, Google Play, Spotify
Credits:
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