Photo by Safari Biswal - Staff Explorer
Over the last few months, you may have noticed senior island is looking a little bare, you may have also noticed the occasional student checking in on their car during lunch, or the strange padlocks that lock up many of the cars on campus. These oddities happen to be an effect of the string of car burglaries that have taken place right here at Pinewood. After months of research and investigation, police finally found the one responsible for these devious crimes — none other than Pinewood math teacher Mr. Chang.
“It was supposed to be a one time thing, I was on lunch duty when I saw this blue corolla; I had to have it,” said Chang.
When asked about the motives behind his crimes, Chang recalled how easy it was to break into that first car. After the first few cars, the idea sparked to create a business selling cars from the Pinewood lot. While Chang’s robberies were usually unplanned and sporadic, his knowledge regarding his methods was deep and calculated.
“I saw it on TikTok,” answered Chang.
He discussed where he learned to hotwire cars to be able to drive off in them, without the keys. According to Chang, Tiktok was his primary source of information, when it came to the mechanical aspects of his robberies. As for which cars he went after, Chang used a series of probability equations to calculate a risk/reward ratio which he then used to determine if a robbery was worth it or not. These equations let Chang steal over 13 cars before he met his inevitable demise.
“I forgot to put a parenthesis,” said Chang shaking his head. “That was all it took.”
This fatal mistake in his equation happened to be the instance when he was attempting to steal a Tesla. At first, all was normal for Chang as he pulled out his ruler and protractor, prying open the door and disengaging the lock. But Chang’s error had failed to account for the Tesla’s computer.
“I got in the car and tried to drive away, but instead of accelerating, the car locked the doors and sounded an alarm,” said Chang.
He described the moments before he was caught, frantically trying to break a window to escape, students surrounded the car, jaws agape. It was not long before police were at the scene and Chang was taken into custody. And with that, Chang’s string of calculated robberies came to an end.
In a surprising turn, Chang was soon released from custody as all students dropped charges in exchange for “academic incentives.” Chang will still return as a teacher to Pinewood; however, he will not be allowed in the parking lot any time soon.