What is easier for you
starting or stopping something?
Self-improvement programs are often based on two ideas - first something is wrong with you that needs to change and secondly that change requires you to create a new habit, to add something to your already busy life that you aren’t already doing. At the least increasing your efforts in a specific area. Seldom does anyone suggest you stop doing something.
Stopping is as valuable as starting and they are often one in the same.
Stopping can be difficult when:
- You like something
- When you think it is good for you
- You see it as your role
- Society deems it important
- It has become a habit that is so ingrained you aren’t even aware you are doing it on a regular basis
When I was going through my divorce, working a job I loved, commuting 45 minutes each way, and rearing two children I needed to really figure out who I wanted to be. Being and doing it all just wasn't an option. I wanted to let go of what Megs Colleen calls, Dominant Dogma. I wanted to be clear on who I wanted to be - not what society, my parents, my children, my friends- thought I should be. I longed to release the stories I had been telling myself that no longer served me. I was seeking my essence, to answer the question; Deep down in my soul - if I was really being Shelley a human BEing rather than a human doing - who was I and what would I do?
I won’t say it was easy, but what I realized was, in the end I was the only one who could decide who Shelley was. I spent a lot of time pondering some of life's big questions. What did I value? What was important to me? As a child, teenager, young adult what brought me joy? What dreams did I have for myself and my children? When faced with the day-to-day of living I asked myself one question repeatedly - “DOES IT REALLY MATTER?”
Does it really matter if I dust my house every week?
Does it really matter if one night a week we don't side down as a family to a meal I cooked?
Does it really matter if my son puts on clothes I don't like to go to school?
Does it really matter if my children have to move?
Does it really matter if I don't clean one cupboard a week?
Does it really matter if ________?
At first it was a struggle to think about stopping some of the behaviors I had done for years. Especially those I'd done without really thinking about them. I had to ease into it by thinking of it as "letting go" - for now. These two ideas of clarity and letting go worked beautifully together. Once I really started letting go it opened the door to me recognizing that going through my divorce could be an opportunity to return to my authentic self. To pause, and recognize who I really wanted to be. I found myself returning to many habits, characteristics, and values that I had once held so dear. Once I reclaimed who I really was, it was easier to stop doing things that were not who I am.
When you take the time to reflect on your life, you begin to realize how much of what you are doing isn’t who you really are deep down inside. Getting clear on who you are brings your beliefs, your thoughts, and your actions into alignment. Alignment feels good. Living an aligned life decreases stress - while increasing your sense of well being. You become harmony in action!
It may be time to set a new destination.
Just as your GPS in your car recognizes when you are off course and recalculates you can do the same. Take a few deep breaths, listen to your intuition know where you are headed and most importantly let go of being and doing things that are not the reflection of who you really are.
For more information listen/watch Soulitude Season 1 Episode 5 on Spotify or Youtube.
Credits:
Created with images by hui_u - "seascape in the evening" • Михаил Решетников - "Girl adds weight to the bar. Asian woman adding weight on a bar as she workout in fitness gym" • pathdoc - "Very angry hysterical woman" • poko42 - "フローリングの上の沢山の埃" • Jacob Lund - "Happy mother and son preparing food in kitchen" • hbrh - "Stylish teenager boy wearing hood shirt with skateboard in city graffiti background looking at you camera sitting" • Africa Studio - "Packing boxes close-up" • dglimages - "Senior Woman Lost in Thought" • luengo_ua - "Young woman using smartphone on the city embankment with 3d red location pin GPS pointer on the background." • Mathias Weil - "sayling yacht at the greece ocean"