By Alex Berenfeld
Masculinity is not innately toxic.
Boys don't just enter the world aggressive and hungry for power. They are conditioned into believing that these things, among having a ridiculous (hetero)sexual appetite and no emotions, are the traits of a 'real' man.
But what makes a man?
Masculinity, like femininity, is just a concept, and it's rooted in society - not biology. In Western culture, masculinity is traditionally defined by a set of negative characteristics and personal values like strength, dominance, self-sufficiency and stoicism. Femininity, on the other hand, is marked by traits like hypersensitivity, dependence and submission.
Historically, men have been rewarded for demonstrating their dominance, taking risks and acting violently. The patriarchal system, a dynamic relationship between control and fear, encourages men to seek status, to fear other men's ability to control and to identify control as their best defense against loss and humiliation (Becker, 1999). With intense pressure to perform sufficiently for society, and a fear of being labeled as weak or not manly enough, men engage in unhealthy behaviors to 'prove' their manliness.
Many of the traditional ideas about masculinity remain ingrained in society, despite our culture having little to no use for them. The first 30 seconds of the following male hygiene PSA is a good example of how unhealthy male values are embedded into American culture.
Though men benefit from the patriarchy, they are also extremely constrained by it. Toxic masculinity occurs when the manifestation of excess masculine energy can’t be taken out elsewhere, according to a 2020 article from Medium.
"For me, defining masculinity in my hometown is like, by how many deer you've shot or how many home runs you've hit out of the ballpark" -Taft, 19.
Our society has traditionally glorified masculine traits over feminine traits. To a lot of men, femininity is considered the ultimate insult. When boys are told that rom-coms, fruity drinks and pastel colors are emasculating, and ultimately degrading, it creates the idea that femininity is degrading. Men start to fear these feminine qualities in themselves, thus prompting their need to engage in hyper-masculine behaviors.
The sexist attitudes and power structures entrenched in the patriarchy have long delayed the progression of women's rights. Although our society has much work to do to achieve gender equality, our culture is indeed progressing.
Advertisements play a major role in promoting anti-feminine stereotypes and behaviors in our culture. When men and women appear in the same advertisements, the relationship almost always focuses on masculine dominance and female submissiveness. Each commercial and advertisement reinforces an unhealthy depiction of the 'ideal' man.
According to BBC News, a 2019 bill was passed in the United Kingdom to ban harmful gender stereotypes in advertisements. Supporters of the bill claim the ads didn't represent the reality of gender identities and would ultimately limit young people's potential. Below are just a few of the many advertisements thats young people grow up seeing.
"The problem with the term toxic masculinity is that the word masculine is starting to take this negative connotation and like, there's nothing wrong with being masculine, but I think it's specifically the ideas and values that we've assigned to being masculine… that's where the problem starts." -Benny, 21.
Recent studies have found that the repression of feelings like sadness, fear and insecurity not only perpetuates the toxic climate for the progression of modern masculinity, but also causes immediate harm to the men doing the repressing.
According to a report from the American Psychological Association, men commit 90 percent of homicides in the United States and represent 77 percent of homicide victims. They are also 3.5 times more likely than women to die by suicide, and their life expectancy is 4.9 years shorter than women’s. These facts reveal a more immediate threat that toxic masculinity poses to men. The idea that men don't need emotional support is archaic and must be abandoned.
A 2019 report from the Pew Research Center found that men believe males face at least some pressure to engage in activities that are sometimes associated with “traditional masculinity.”
In recent years, the conversation around gender dynamics and gender equality has shifted. In this 2019 commercial, Gillette sought to challenge the commonly accepted notion that "boys will be boys." Despite the backlash they faced, this ad proved that society's understanding of what makes a "good man" is changing. Watch a snippet from the ad below.
Thankfully for men (young and old), masculinity is evolving, and major media outlets like USA Today and The New York Times are acknowledging the phenomenon. In this new vision, the man of today is one who embraces his internal and external identity equally, and feels free to express this through how he presents himself to the world.
Through brand and celebrity activism, the conversation surrounding what it means to be a man today is getting the attention it needs. Masculinity is evolving as we evolve.
The painted nail, an accessory traditionally reserved for females, is becoming increasingly popular among all gender identities. Androgynous, gender-fluid fashion is flourishing in our culture. In a society that's currently rewriting gender scripts, gender-fluid fashion allows people to express every nuance on the spectrum of identities. According to a report from America’s Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation, 12 percent of Millennials and 60 percent of Gen Z'ers (between seven and 22 years old) identify as gender non-conforming.
For the first time in our nation's history, we have a Second Gentleman in the White House. Having a man play this role, which until now has only ever been played by a woman, is a tremendous feat for the evolution of gender roles. Men are socialized into thinking they have to be the champions of success, the providers, the kings of their households. This isn't what makes a man today. "Men have to step up for the people that they love and actually show it. It's manly to love and care about others," Emhoff said in an interview with NBC's Peter Alexander.
To help promote a safe culture for future generations, it's essential that we hold each other accountable and address problematic behavior when we see it. Together, we can actively dismantle the harmful stereotypes that breed toxic behaviors and shape a healthier, more fluid understanding of gender.
"Being a man is almost secondary to being a good person" - Alex, 21
"Kind of like how the female identity was something that was really explored throughout the 20th century... I feel like that's kind of what's happening with men now. What does it mean to be a man is the new question" - Benny, 21
"I think the idea of wanting to be a man might be kind of the root of the problem, instead of trying to be a person" - Matthew, 22
"You know, when I say feelings, I mean, negative feelings... feeling sad, feeling lonely, feeling vulnerable, um, feeling as though you're not enough as a man?" - Vinay, 22
"One of my biggest things right now in being a man is helping other men" - Taft, 19
"If I felt like I wasn't able to express my issues with my mental health or whatever it may be, that would suck. If you're having a tough time, go talk to somebody about it. People want to help" - Sam, 22
