Her daughter and granddaughter come home to her familiar century-old house in the evening. She has lived in the house for many years, and it has always been a home to return to for her family. As they hang up their coats, her daughter points out the smell of cigarettes in the room and her granddaughter agrees. Neither she nor her daughter has smoked cigarettes since they quit after her brother died from smoking. With a bittersweet smile, she suggests that her brother must be visiting.
Carolyn Barnes is a soon-to-be 65-year-old woman who has lived in Salida for a long time. “Decades, I’ve lived here for decades,” she says with great emphasis. Throughout life's journey, she has experienced significant losses. Two of her three siblings, her parents, and her husband have all died. As these family members were passing, she took on the responsibility of visiting and taking care of them in their final days doing, 'hospice work,' as she called it.
Carolyn grew up in the 1950s, “Leave it to Beaver was the standard,” she said, referring to a popular sitcom from those years. She reminded me that in that time the mothers cooked, cleaned, and wore their pearl necklaces while the father worked, but family life has never been that simple. When asked about her father, she said he was intelligent, but he grew up in The Great Depression, so he was simply raised to be the way he was. I gathered that she wasn’t close to her father. Her mother though has always been described as an angel by all who met her, and of course, Carolyn spoke highly of her as her mother. Along with her parents, she grew up with two older siblings and a younger half-sibling.
Charlie, Carolyn’s older sister, was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. Carolyn was the one to step up for the job of taking care of her sister, even flying to New York to take care of her. As her sister’s condition got worse, she was there with her. Charlie eventually reached a point where she lost limbs and organs. With that, Carolyn cared for Charlie for a year until she died at the age of 50 in 2005, as she felt it was the only thing she could do for her sister. Carolyn then took care of her brother, who was a smoker with COPD. She, once again, stood up and took the job of taking care of her sibling, for three years. Until his eventual death in 2013, she cared for him. He was only 63 at the time of his death. Finally, she took care of her mother in her last days. Maybe it was a good thing or a bad thing, but she died faster than her children. Once again Carolyn was the one there for her when she died in 2016 at age 84.
Taking care of her family took a significant toll on her. Through the good and bad, she had to be there with them, as she felt it was her duty. She had to give up most of her life for her family, and part of that was her work. Because she could not always work from visiting and taking care of family, she had to face financial issues. By enjoying her hobbies, getting money from social security, and her stubbornness, she was able to cope. Despite the hardships of watching her family die, she wouldn’t change anything because, as she said, “I took care of my family because I love them.” She made it clear that she did not feel obligated or in debt, she did it because she loved them.
In recent years she has shared a living space with her daughter and her other daughter is planning to move in soon. It’s almost as if her children are returning the love by being there to support her and each other. Family is what matters after all, and Carolyn feels that we don’t care for our family enough in the current world. She believes, “Time passes very quickly, you better enjoy it. Love your family.”