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Continuing Her Legacy: Westridge Celebrates Carol Van Zalingen Lauren Cho

On the two year anniversary of Ms. Carol Van Zalingen’s passing, April 14, 2022, Westridge held a Celebration of Life Ceremony for her on the quad.

Carol Van Zalingen, known by students as Ms. V, was the Lower and Middle School Dean of Student Support at Westridge. She was born in Uganda and lived in Iran before moving to the United States. She was also a young adult novelist who wrote two books, Chiron's Descent and Crossing Charon. She was an animal lover and cared dearly about her two dogs, Abby and Sparky.

Ms. V's Photo And Carnations Placed In Her Honor (photo credit: Lauren Cho)

Because Ms. V passed away due to complications related to COVID-19 at the height of the pandemic, the Westridge community could not come together in person to commemorate and grieve her. However, Westridge created an online platform to commemorate Ms. V and hired grief counselors to support students. Students left notes, flowers, and painted rocks on the bench where Ms. V sat every morning.

(photo credit: Ms. Heydorff)

Now, in 2022, Westridge gathered on campus to celebrate Ms. V’s life and impact at Westridge. The Celebration of Life Ceremony allowed students and faculty members to remember important memories of Ms. V and continue her legacy.

Students At The Ceremony (photo credit: Lauren Cho)

A few faculty speakers who worked closely with Ms. V shared their story about the impact Ms. V had on them.

For Dr. Zanita Kelly, the Director of Lower & Middle School, Ms. V helped her understand Westridge and her new position as director. “She was my right-arm, helping me navigate a brand new job during a really odd and strange time, just in our world. And then she was gone. It really hit me hard,” she said.

“One would think that people always say nice things about you after you’ve passed, but in Ms. V’s case, ALL of these nice things were absolute truth. I can only aspire to her level of patience, understanding, wisdom, and kindness,” said Coach Karen Hanselman, a Lower & Middle School Physical Education coach.

Ms. Mary Tuck, previous Director of Lower & Middle School, came back to Westridge to remember Ms. V. “Ms. V’s life was well-lived and has had a profound impact here at Westridge. She taught us courage, perseverance, humility, responsibility, and loyalty. She taught us to always live life as a giver,” she said.

Mrs. Elizabeth McGregor, Head of School, talked about continuing this empathy at Westridge. “I hope that’s what people carry; so that her legacy can be one of being like her, informing the way that we know and care for others. If we can carry that with us, that spirit of Ms. V with us, then the campus will be a more caring and empathetic place," she said.

Mr. John Cross, a Middle School English Teacher, talked about how he has changed to be a more adaptable teacher because of Ms. V. “I reminded myself today that I forget to give my students love, to be compassionate, to be open to them and where they are on any given day, rather than going in with my teacherly agenda,” he said. Mr. Cross believes that everyone needs a moment of reflection to realize why Ms. V was so important.

“What was it about her [Ms. V’s] interactions with us that healed us and supported us? Those are the important lessons.” - Mr. Cross.
Lily Flowers Placed On Ms. V's Bench (photo credit: Lauren C.)

Ms. Jennifer Irish, a Middle School History and Human Development Teacher, talked about how Ms. V changed her life, ending her speech with a message to continue what Ms. V did best. “Maybe the best way for us to honor Carol Van Zaligen is to shine our lights, our attention, and our compassion upon each other. Laugh, love, listen, before we walk away,” said Ms. Irish.

Students Micaela Randolph ‘26 and Violet Gund ‘26 also participated in the ceremony. “Ms. V helped me out so much. She gave me new ways to help me out homework-wise. She taught me about hard work, and how it pays off in the end. She was the light at the end of my tunnel, and she was the reason I worked harder. She was the reason I felt so welcomed at this school,” said Micalya.

“Ms. V really helped me better myself.” - Violet Gund ‘26

“I wouldn’t feel accepted at Westridge if I hadn’t met Ms. V,” said Violet. “I really adore her, and even though I wish I could thank her one more time, I still really want to honor her memory and be happy for her.”

To many, the Celebration of Life Ceremony was the overdue closure that the Westridge community needed. “I think that this was the final thing that we did as a community being together in-person to say that goodbye, and in a way where there wasn’t that much raw emotion and pain,” said Dr. Kelly.

Flowers Placed On Ms. V's Bench On The Day Of The Ceremony (photo credit: Lauren Cho)

Dr. Kelly explained why Westridge chose to title the ceremony a Celebration of Life rather than a memorial or remembrance. “We intentionally wanted it to focus on what we gained from knowing her instead of what we lost from losing her. We wanted to keep the celebration at a higher level–a happier note–so that we can actually focus on the positive things that she left with us. Her impact is not gone. Her impact can still be here with us because she embodied who we want to be at our best selves at Westridge–who we are aspirationally,” said Dr. Kelly.

“Ms. V’s legacy lives on.” - Mrs. McGregor

Ms. Farrell Heydorff, Dean of Lower and Middle School Student Activities, was one of Ms. V’s closest friends. She said, “Carol deserves to be celebrated. I feel like when it’s a memorial or a remembrance, it’s more of a farewell… The difference with Carol is [that] she gets to live on here [at Westridge] forever, with how she changed the students, the faculty.”

The Lower & Middle School Team in 2019 (L-R: Ms. Heydorff, former Lower & Middle School Assistant Demi Duenes, former Lower & Middle School Director Mary Tuck, Ms. V (photo credit: Westridge Communications Office))