BENEATH THE SURFACE By Bob Reccord

About the Author

At the age of 19, Bob Reccord surrendered his life to Jesus Christ, compelled to make a difference in the lives of others because of the difference Christ had made in Him. Believing that Christ had called him both to a personal relationship with Him, and an exciting personal mission alongside Him, Bob has served Christ in several different venues.

About the Book *

MAYDAY! MAYDAY! MAYDAY! Marriages are imploding all around us. Homes are fracturing. Families are shipwrecked. And one of the leading causes is sexual temptation that leads to moral failure. How does a guy guard his heart and home in a culture that is so sexually saturated and permissive?

It doesn't just happen. It takes intentional, biblical decisions to set guards and stand strong. And those decisions--or lack of them--will inevitably set directions for life which will lead to inevitable destinations. We are what we choose!

BENEATH THE SURFACE compares and contrasts two of scripture's best known men--Joseph and David. Both were faced head-on with sexual temptation. One stood tall--and one fell flat. And it all centered on the choices they made. This book pulls out both the choices, and the principles undergirding them, of both men. And they serve as beacon points to all of us on what to do...and what not to do...as the inevitability of temptation knocks on our door.

Journey through the lives of these two men and you will discover dangers to beware of that lurk around unsuspected corners of life's path. How to break bad habits before they become a "way of life" will be addressed head on. We'll walk together with how to make a U-turn in our life when needed, realizing that it is insane to keep going in a way that is causing problems while at the same time expecting different results. Different results only come from a change of direction. Simple, yet profound principles of setting guards on one's heart regarding thoughts, attitudes and actions will be handed to every man to use as tools for victory in his everyday battle.

And who of us don't want to leave a great legacy when our journey is finished? But to finish well in the future requires making the right and wise decision today. Kicking the can down the road, is a tragic decision. Your kids and grandkids will thank you for your choices!

And for those who are married, or soon will be, there are helps all along the way within the book to strengthen this foundational relationship, making it better and more resilient daily. The eight questions that every husband ought to ask his wife yearly, combined with the eight a wife can ask her husband annually are guaranteed to take the relationship "beneath the surface" issues of life, and have proven to be a game changer for hundreds of marriages

SESSION 1

Includes Beneath the Surface Chapters 1 and 2.

CHAPTER 1 - Standing Tall or Falling Flat

Scripture verses used or referenced in the chapter.

No scripture mentioned in this chapter.

All chapter quotes are referenced to the physical book.

Quotes from the chapter.

My friend is real. I valued our friendship and love him as a man I have worked with, laughed with, and walked through part of life with …, but I hate what he did. Not just to his wife and kids, but to himself. And to all of us who believe in fidelity, revere God’s Word, and honor our commitments. Page 5
Living a life that God can bless is not for the weak - willed or cowardly. It is for those who want life at its best and are willing to pay the price for it. Page 7
Temptation is everywhere. Page 8
50 percent of the pastors (Surveyed) in his country have at least toyed with internet pornography. Page 9
64 percent (of the men surveyed in this country) struggle with sexual addiction or sexual compulsion, including, but not limited to, using pornography, compulsive masturbation, or other secret sexual activity; 25 percent admit to having had sexual intercourse with someone other than their wife — since becoming a Christian; 14 percent acknowledge having had sexual contact short of intercourse outside of their marriage — since becoming a Christian. Page 10

Chapter Weekly Reading: Genesis 39

1. Have you ever heard someone you know who was dealing with temptation say…

• I can handle this!

• But, God wants me to be happy.

• I don’t want anyone to get hurt.

• You just don’t understand my circumstances.

How did it turn out?

2. Why is it we attempt to rationalize our wrestling with temptation when it comes knocking at the door of our life?

3. What does James 1:13-15 say about temptation? Why does it use the word “When” rather than “If”?

4. What does Mark 7:18-23 say to you about your heart…and the need to guard it?

SESSION 2

CHAPTER 2 - Guarding—or Gutting the Essentials of a Solid Marriage

Scripture verses used or referenced in the chapter.

1 Corinthians 13
1 Corinthians 13:4-8
Ecclesiastes 3:11
John 10:10
Proverbs 4:23

Quotes from the chapter.

“ It can be more than that . I’ll tell you what I envy about people in love. I’d love it if somebody knew me — really knew me. What I like. What I’m afraid of. What kind of toothpaste I use. I think that would be really wonderful!” Page 15
every man wants too — a marriage relationship that brings out his best, and not his worst, laying a foundation for the best that life can be. Page 16
… agape. It describes a love that gives and keeps on giving, regardless of the response. - Page 17
( 1 ) love like this is based more on the act of the will than merely on emotion or the feelings of the moment . - Page 19
Do you keep short accounts or detailed records of hurts from the past?
... women are more relation - oriented, and men are more task - oriented. - Page 21
She often spells “love” T - I - M - E and L - I - S - T - E - N. - Page 21
He (a husband) needs her to make him feel significant. - Page 21
(Breakdown happens when) neither (person) could humble themselves enough to put the pieces back together again . - Page 22
The quality of the horizontal (relations in life) always depends on the quality of the vertical. - Page 24
As leader, he is responsible under God to provide for the needs of all those in his charge and care to the best of his ability. And to provide an environment where each person can grow, mature, and become all that they were created to be. - Page 25
She complements him in every area of his responsibility — his completer. - Page 25
God’s intention is for a marriage to be full of joy, regularly growing and supremely fulfilling ... a fully abundant life - Page 26
The marital bond is crumbling in our culture. - Page 26
Many experts say that attitudes about adultery are shifting from outright condemnation to a rather uneasy acceptance. - Page 27
Is sexual fidelity a value to be honored or an outdated custom meriting only risqué humor? - Page 27
One researcher ... made an amazing discovery about sexual fidelity, calling it “the single most important predictor of a society’s ascendancy. - Page 27

Chapter Weekly Reading: Genesis 2

1. How does dissatisfaction begin to creep into a relationship between a husband and a wife?

2. When God expressed to man that He wanted him to make his wife to flourish, what do you think that meant? How does a man best provide for and protect his wife?

3. How, and in what ways, do you strive to express your love to the special lady in your life? Do you think she “feels” it as well as hears it?

4. Does the special lady in your life feel “PURSUED” by you regardless of how long you may have been married? What do you do to make her feel that way?

5. Do you feel like you listen well when she has something she wants to tell you or talk with you concerning it? Have you asked her using similar wording? If so, what did she say? If not, when do you plan to ask her?

6. What do you do to practice “active listening” so that she FEELS heard?

SESSION 3

This session corresponds with "Beneath the Surface" chapters 3 and 4.

CHAPTER 3 - Decisions Inevitably Lead to Destinations

Scripture verses used or referenced in the chapter.

1 Corinthians 10:
1 Samuel 16:7
Deuteronomy 6:6-9 the Shema.
Genesis 39 Joseph and David
2 Samuel 11
Job 31:1

Quotes from the chapter.

If you study the Bible, you’ll find that the Old Testament has a wonderful series of illustrations for life, but it also includes principles that are elaborated on in the New Testament. - Page 31
Repeatedly in the Old Testament, God talks about the importance of the heart. - Page 32
God told Samuel that while man looks on the outward appearance of things, God focuses on the heart, which is evidenced in our will [decisions], our beliefs, and our emotions - Page 32
Listen, Israel: The Lord is our God, the Lord is one! You must love the Lord your God with your whole mind, your whole being, and all your strength. These words I am commanding you today must be kept in mind, and you must teach them to your children and speak of them as you sit in your house, as you walk along the road, as you lie down, and as you get up. You should tie them as a reminder on your forearm and fasten them as symbols on your forehead. Inscribe them on the doorframes of your houses and gates. (Deut. 6:4-9). - Page 33
God has given us examples of what to emulate and what to avoid, - Page 33
Decisions set Directions … and those Directions lead to inevitable Destinations. - Page 35
Like Joseph, I was faced with a decision that only I could make. Thankfully, long ago I had decided what my course of action would be when faced with such enticements. - Page 36
I am responsible for the decisions that were made and the actions that occurred. ” - Page 38

Chapter Weekly Reading: 1 SAMUEL 11

1. What do you feel ‘YOUR DECISIONS, SET YOUR DIRECTIONS, WHICH LEADS TO VERY PREDICTABLE DESITINATIONS’ mean in your life?

2. How did that truth work out for Joseph…and David?

3. How do you grow to make Wise decisions that can protect you, and those around you, from regret and heartache?

4. What does 1 Corinthians 10:13 mean to you?

5. Have you ever been tempted to ‘disconnect the wires’?

How did you deal with the temptation to do so?

6. As you compare the temptation/actions of Joseph and David what do you learn?

CHAPTER 4 - Recognizing (and Acknowledging) Our Weaknesses…or Overestimating Our Strengths

Scripture verses used or referenced in the chapter.

Prov . 16:25
James 1:13
Jeremiah 17:9a New English Translation
James 1:14-15
1 Cor. 10:13
James 1:14–15
1 Cor. 10:13
Matthew 3 and 4
Psalm 119:11
Jude 24-25

Quotes from the chapter.

My biggest challenge is me! - Page 39
“We have met the enemy, and the enemy is us!” - Page 40
God powers our inner being with an alarm system. - Page 40
The wise alcoholic, who’s in a good recovery program and depends on God as the source of his strength, knows his own weakness and doesn’t take that first step — into the bar. - Page 40
God’s Owner’s Manual, the Bible. - Page 41
He’s written the Scripture out of His deep and abiding love for us to ensure that we operate our lives at maximum effectiveness, and He provides us with a written preventive maintenance plan to avoid major breakdowns. But, like car owners, we often wait too late to know what we need to know. - Page 42
As humans we have a sinful nature at the very center of our being. - Page 42
Different personality types express this sinful nature in different ways. Some people express it in active and observable rebellion. They lie to themselves about their own strengths, claiming, “I have the ability to stop this behavior at any time. ” Others cloak it in passive indifference, ignoring their weaknesses. - Page 43
“Every baby starts life as a little savage. He is completely selfish and self-centered. - Page 43
When Satan tempted Eve, he took her through a three - step process. 1. He questioned God by saying, “ Did God say … ? ” 2. He contradicted God by saying that God really didn’t mean what He had said. 3. He replaced God. Satan made Eve believe she could depend on herself instead of God. - Page 46
Then we become our own God, - Page 46
He already provided an escape. And the escape is Jesus Christ, the Living Word of God, made known through the Scripture, the written Word of God. - Page 48
If you’re going to turn your heart toward home, it’s crucial to pay attention to the Owner’s Manual so you can live at maximum effectiveness and avoid major breakdowns. - Page 51

SESSION 4

This session corresponds with chapters 5 & 6 in "Beneath the Surface".

CHAPTER 5 - Guarding Your Heart Doesn’t Just Happen!

Scripture verses used or referenced in the chapter.

Romans 7:18 -19 TLB
Psalm 51:6

Quotes from the chapter.

TWO MEN. One stood tall. The other fell flat … Joseph understood his own weaknesses … he knew himself well. - Page 53
you end up with a culture of people who don’t have a realistic view of themselves. And — sensing this — they cover their weaknesses with a mask of strength bordering on arrogance - Page 54
The Owner’s Manual can help us look deep inside if we are brave enough to take the risk. - Page 57
“You know, you’re getting to be more of an interruption to this family than you are a contributor to this family. Something’s got to change. - Page 58 (Bob’s wife’s statement to him when his excessive absence due to work was negatively impacting the family.)
In leadership today there seems to be an unending stream of expectation, demands, and responsibilities. - Page 59
When your output exceeds your intake, your upkeep can become your downfall! - Page 59
we pay too little attention to the emotional gauges in our life. We confuse activity with results - Page 59
Do you ever wonder if David may have felt that the work of the kingdom (Israel) around him was killing the work of The King within him!? - Page 59
We are warned that gifted people — who — if they aren’t careful — can begin to rely more on their giftedness than on the God who granted the gift. - Page 60
But then he warned each of us to guard our hearts, for out of it would come the issues of our lives. - Page 61
What a warning for you and for me. It is not enough simply to guard what we believe to be the vulnerabilities of our lives — we must equally guard the strong points! - Page 61
At any given moment, every one of us is only one step away from stupid. - Page 62

Chapter Weekly Reading: Proverbs 5, 7

1. What does it mean to “guard your heart” and how do you do that practically?

2. How can you “overestimate your strengths” and have it make you vulnerable?

3. A Christian leader who made poor choices which cost him greatly said, “I was told that Satan would attack a person at their point of weakness. But I thought my marriage was strong! If only they had told me that he would also attack at what you think is your point of strength! What do you think he meant?

4. When it comes to temptation, have you ever been tempted to use thee rationalization

5. What did you feel about the statement in BENEATH THE SURFACE that says, “At any given moment, every one of us is only ONE STEP FROM STUPID”?

6. In the Six Steps to Change that Bob spoke of which one do you struggle with most…and Why?

7. When Bob talks in the book about “rewiring and rebuilding” your thought patterns, how do you feel that could be possible beneficial step for you?

8. Why do we find it far easier to say, “I can’t” that “I won’t” when it come to change in our life?

CHAPTER 6 - I Can’t! But…With God’s Help, I Can!!

Scripture verses used or referenced in the chapter.

Numbers 33:55
Joshua 23:13 …
Judges 2:3
Isaiah 59
Colossians 2:9, 10a NKJV
Philippians 4:13
Luke 15:11
Genesis 3
Romans 14:12
Luke 14.
Deuteronomy 30:15
Ecclesiastes 5:1-7
Ecclesiastes 5:1-7
Romans 8:37
Proverbs 18:21 ( NKJV )
Psalm 1
Proverbs 23:7 KJV
Philippians 4:8
Joshua 1:8
Deuteronomy 32:47 (NIV)
Joshua 1:8, 9 Proverbs 3:5, 6, Isaiah 43:1-3, Philippians 4:6, 7, Ephesians 3:20 Philippians 4:13,19 Hebrews 11:6, 12:1, 2
2 Corinthians 1:3-4
James 5:16
Galatians 5:13
Philippians 2:3
Galatians 6:2
1 Thessalonians 5:11
James 5:16
Hebrews 10:24
James 5:19, 20

Quotes from the chapter.

opportunity for change and transformation comes in cans, not can'ts - Page 63
So in reality it comes down to a matter of our will. Do we will to be honest with ourselves? Truthful about the situation? Factual about what is happening in our lives. OR, do we prefer to ignore the facts, deceive ourselves, and attempt to keep up a false front? That choice makes a huge difference! By our choice, we can change our course! - Page 64
Bad habits, when allowed to stay in our life , will continually be tripping points , causes of heartaches , and reasons for ruptured relationships . - Page 65
He (God) sees ahead those things that will hinder us from becoming all He created us to be, and from receiving all of the blessings He has stored up for us to experience. - Page 68
be intentionally proactive. - Page 68
A habit is an attitude, thought process, or action that is built into our life through repetition and which becomes unconscious or repeatable with little or no effort. - 69
And perhaps the more he told himself, “It’s no big deal!” the more it (his temptations and acts) became “unconscious or repeatable with little or no effort.” - Page 70
We find it much easier to default to what we can’t do rather than what we can! - Page 72
we have everything we need through our relationship with Jesus Christ to accomplish anything we need to do. - Page 72
… and you are complete in Him … - Page 72
So, when you say, “I can’t … ” let’s get honest … that’s a copout … it is a lie! - Page 73
When it comes to attitudes, thought processes, and actions, we need to remember that there are two sides of the brain at work — the left cognitive side and the right emotional side. - Page 74
So How Do I Change?
1 . Take Responsibility for Your Attitudes, Thoughts, or Actions. - Page 77
What was Adam’s initial and default response? “The woman whom You gave me caused me to eat of the forbidden tree!” - Page 77
Here’s the bottom line. Only YOU are responsible for what YOU do and what YOU choose! - Page 78
I will give an account of MYSELF and you will give one of YOURSELF! - Page 78
“There comes a time when the little boy has to sit down, and the man has to stand up.” So let me shoot straight with you … It’s time to man up! - Page 79
2 . Choose to Change
What I am commanding you today is to love the Lord your God, to walk in his ways, and to obey his commandments, his statutes, and his ordinances. - Page 63 · Location 894
Therefore, choose life so that you and your descendants may live! - Page 80
How much do you want to change? - Page 81
we will all give an account of our lives to Almighty God. - Page 82
we want to make wise decisions. - Page 82
3. Change Your Story
Death and life are in the power of the tongue. - Page 83
How can I say that? Because just one verse earlier, the Bible declares that you and I will “eat” what our lips produce! So when I speak the negative, I eat the fruit of defeat. When I speak like I am a victim, I eat the fruit of helplessness. - Page 83
Try a few of these words on for size … “I know God is bigger than my problem, and He will give me the power to overcome it.” “Today brings me one day closer to the victory God intended for me.” “I believe God is working in me to …” “I am convinced God is bigger than my fear, and He has given me power (despite my weakness), love (even when I am unlovable), and a sound mind with which to make wise decisions!” - Page 84
4 . Learn What “Pushes” You Toward the Habit You Want to Break- Page 85
85% of solving a problem is found in asking the right questions. - Page 85
And when you determine those areas that “push” you toward the habit you are desiring to break, AVOID THEM AT ALL COST! - Page 89
and practice the discipline of “Bouncing Eyes” that Every Man’s Battle gave all of us men. - Page 89
while we can’t always control where our eyes may fall … we can sure control where they stay (or where they return). - Page 90
5. Begin to Rewire and Rebuild Your Brain Through Your Thought Patterns! (Rom. 12:2b).
Now science has shown that Directed, Decisive, and Disciplined thinking on the right things can make a HUGE difference in our habits and thinking. No wonder the Scripture says,
As a man thinks in his heart, so is he - Page 92
Research shows that approximately 15 minutes of directed, decisive, and disciplined thinking daily significantly increases the probability of producing a happier outlook and positive direction of life! - Page 92
So, to rewire your brain biblically, I encourage you to make a plan to memorize two verses of Scripture weekly - Page 93
6 . Choose a Trusted Friend, Spouse — or Person of Character and Respect — to Be an Accountability Partner in the Process. - Page 94
Change is not a solo event — it is a team sport. It requires a support system who cares enough to help us stay the course, overcome the temptation to quit, and get to the goal. - Page 94
Regard one another as more important than yourself - Page 95
Knowing that you are not alone is key to recovery and advancement. As the well - known saying goes, “There is strength in numbers.” - Page 97
He was going to be all a man should be … TOMORROW. No one would be braver or kinder than he … TOMORROW. But the fact is, he died and faded from view; And all that he left when living was through, Was a mountain of things he intended to do … TOMORROW! - Page 99

SESSION 5

CHAPTER 7 Abusing Authority or Rightly Using Authority

Scripture verses used or referenced in the chapter.

Genesis 39:9
1 Samuel 12.
2 Chronicles 26:5, 15-16
Proverbs 4:23

Quotes from the chapter.

LEADERSHIP IS A privilege. - Page 101
The higher you go in leadership, the more you have to watch your actions and attitudes because of the ripple effect they have on everything and everyone around you. - Page 102
Joseph understood that the key to handling leadership responsibly was accountability. - Page 102
One practical aspect of accountability is that you must give someone the right to hold you to your promises — he or she won’t voluntarily hold you accountable. - Page 103
He was gifted, busy — but not accountable — and that makes all the difference. - Page 105
None of us is … we’re all only one step from stupid at any given moment! - Page 108
A Closing Warning
It may sound a bit restrictive to you, but I’ve found that “an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure!” Taking preventive steps proved to be a wise and prudent practice. - Page 110
The guy who is flattered by the female who is “interested” in him would be wise to realize that it could well be that she is more interested in feeding her ego and insecurity than that she is attracted to him. - Page 110

Chapter Weekly Reading: Proverbs 4

1. How can a man abuse a role of leadership/authority when it come to taking advantage of a female? Was Joseph or David guilty of this?

2. What is the difference between simply “good” decisions, and WISE DECISIONS?

3. 1 Corinthians 6:18 commands us to “flee sexual immorality;” how does one practically do that in today’s culture?

4. What are some of the lessons a man learn from Joseph in how he fled temptation when it occurred?

5. Why did Joseph say if he had sex with Potipher’s wife that he would be sinning against God? What about Potipher?

6. When it comes to temptation, have you ever been tempted to use one of the excuses

I can handle this?
God wants me to be happy?
I don’t want anybody to get hurt?
You don’t understand my circumstances
Looking back, what can you learn from it?

CHAPTER 8 - Life is Built One Choice at a Time

Scripture verses used or referenced in the chapter.

2 Samuel 11
Genesis 39:7-9
1 Thessalonians 4:3-5
1 Corinthians 6:18

Quotes from the chapter.

That is why God’s Owner’s Manual repeatedly warns us that when we face sexual temptation, there’s only one correct choice to make — run! Flee sexual immorality! - Page 112
… it’s not a matter of if we will fall and fail, but only when. - Page 112
Joseph did. He literally ran as hard as he could from the seductive invitation of Potiphar’s wife. - Page 112
But Joseph had guarded his heart. - Page 113
When faced with a decision that was unwise, Joseph must have “played forward” - Page 113
The point is he would have known. And God would have known. He would have given in to a temptation that he knew was greater than he could resist. He made the right choice rather than a disastrous one. - Page 115
Will you make a disastrous choice or the wise and right choice? - Page 116
It reminds me that if David blew it, so could I … and so could you! - Page 115
And I do know from watching a lot of men make missteps, and dealing with a lot of them attempting to help them put the pieces back together in their life, major falls don’t come in one sudden big misstep. They come as a result of many small missteps … compromises … and rationalizations. - Page 116
And your wife and family need more than just a body … they need the engagement of the whole person. - Page 119
It is through the eyes that the emotional tank of kids is significantly filled … or drained, due to the lack of eye - to - eye contact in communication. Your wife needs you to listen. To her, love is feeling like she is heard. Not getting your proposed solution. - Page 119
Women have responded in surveys such as those done by my friend Shaunti Feldhaun in For Men Only, that they would rather have less money and things, and more of the man in their life, if they had to make a choice. - Page 119
And so it was with David, and so it can be with us — unless we make the predetermined decision to run! - Page 121
Too often we are tempted to justify and rationalize. We look for ways to cover up what we’ve done so that we don’t have to uncover who we are. For the truth is that we aren’t simply sinners because we sin … we sin because we are sinners. - Page 122

CHAPTER 9 - Justifying Our Action or Facing Up to the Facts

Scripture verses used or referenced in the chapter.

Leviticus 11:44
Hebrews 12:14

Quotes from the chapter.

For the pleasure of the moment, you will pay the price of years. If you’re playing with temptation, you’ll need a mega - calculator to count the cost of what you’ll really have to pay. - Page 126
“God Wants Me to Be Happy,” I’m amazed at how often I hear this statement. Yet when I hand my Bible to someone and say, “Show me where the Bible says that.” I have yet to find anyone who can point to the Scripture claiming that God’s primary goal for our life is to be happy. - Page 127
To be holy simply means to be set apart for a special relationship and service for God … and to act accordingly. - Page 127
God calls us to be holy so that we can avoid tragic consequences and, instead, experience a personal relationship with Him and be usable by Him. - Page 125
Beware of feelings! - Page 128
So for the guy who holds to the philosophy “if it feels good do it” or who is looking for pleasure that feels good, he better be aware of a critical truth. That truth is: The temptation that can feel like the right time, place and person will prove to be the wrong time, place, and person … because feelings can’t be trusted . - Page 128
Being holy is having God so busily at work on our inner being that He’s changing our want - to’s. - Page 129
Preventive maintenance can go a long way toward never ending up shipwrecked! - Page 91 ·
There’s no such thing as a “safe affair.” I have yet to see the affair from which anyone walks away uninjured. - Page 129
1. Get honest. - Page 134
2. Admit you need help. - Page 134
3. Make yourself accountable. - Page 134
4. Take the long view. - Page 134
The next time you’re tempted to rationalize or justify in order to cover your bad choices, think again. - Page 135

SESSION 6

CHAPTER 10 - Staying or Fleeing—That Choice Can Make All the Difference

Scripture verses used or referenced in the chapter.

“Guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life” (Proverbs 4:23)
Job 31:1
Romans 12:2
Psalm 119:11
Psalm 1

Quotes from the chapter.

Joseph and David were two different — and yet similar — men. Both were gifted. Both experienced tremendous successes. People were drawn to both men and recognized their leadership qualities. Blessings seemed to accompany much of what they attempted, and both were, undoubtedly, men’s men. Yet one man guarded his heart; the other left his heart unguarded. - Page 140
Principle #1 - Be Careful What You View It’s been said that the eyes are the windows to the soul. - Page 142
Principle #2 - Be Careful What You Think It’s been said that we can’t always help what comes into our minds, but we have all the control in the world over what stays there. - Page 145
Principle #3 - Be Careful What You Feel In our day, it seems that emotion too often sits in the driver’s seat of our lives. - Page 147
Principle #4 - Be Careful Where You Go Our feet can take us in good directions and lousy directions. One of our most important choices is the friends with whom we walk. -Page 148
DEVOTION > DISTRACTION > DRIFTING > DEPARTURE. - Page 154

Chapter Weekly Reading: Ephesians 5:21-33

1. When Bob described the 4 stages relationships go through when there break down (DEVOTION, DISTRACTION, DRIFT, DEPARTURE) have you seen relationships crash and burn that went through these stages? Where they have best been turned around?

2. What is meant that Distraction can come through both Bad…and Good…things?

3. Have you seen distractions threaten any of your relationships?

4. Why do you feel so many men, even in the church, get tempted or engaged in porn?

5. Jesus said that a man doesn’t have to commit physical adultery, to be guilt of it. He said if a man look at a woman and lusts regarding her, he is guilty of committing adultery with her (Matthew 5:27-28). What does that say for men in today’s culture?

6. Is temptation a sin? Or, does it become sin only when it is acted upon, whether in thought or action?

SESSION 7

CHAPTER 11 - Manning Up to Make a U-Turn When Needed

Scripture verses used or referenced in the chapter.

2 Samuel 11
Psalm 51
Psalm 32:1-5
1 John 1:9
2 Corinthians 2:9-11
Proverbs 8:13 NIV
Proverbs 11:2 NIV
Proverbs 16:18 NIV
Proverbs 29:23 NIV
James 4:6 NIV

Quotes from the chapter.

To Get Where You Need to Be, You’ve Got to Admit Where You Are! - Page 159
There’s just something tough about being male, needing to seek help, or admitting we’re on the wrong track. I’ve even been known to argue with the lady’s voice on my truck’s GPS! - Page 160
But, one thing above all happens in cover-ups… they almost always come uncovered! - Page 161
Nathan showed how much he loved David by the way he was willing to risk for that love ... his very life. - Page 164
But when he (David) was confronted with his wrong, he was a man who “manned up” and accepted responsibility for his own bad choices, repented and made a U-turn from the direction he had been heading. And he would not have to do that only once, but multiple times. - Page 166
Consequences are inevitable…but how critically important it is to make sure that, regardless of that truth, making a U-turn and getting back onto the right course for productive living is ESSENTIAL. - Page 181

Chapter Weekly Reading: PSALM 32 AND 51

1. Why is it important to be honest and vulnerable about where you are, if you are going to get to where you need to be?

2. What can you learn from Nathan’s confrontation of David about caring enough to confront?

3. What specifics

4. do you learn about making a U-Turn from your reading of Psalm 32 and 51?

5. Why is it important to confess our sin specifically and not merely by saying a generalized, “LORD, forgive me of my sins?”

6. If a person says they are sorry for an action, but they don’t change the action, what does that say?

SESSION 8

CHAPTER 12 - Leaving a Legacy of Tragedy or a Legacy of Triumph

Scripture verses used or referenced in the chapter.

Story of Joseph
Story of David

Quotes from the chapter.

In essence, we want to leave a legacy. We want to pass on something from our life that benefits those around us and those who follow us. It’s that deep, abiding desire harbored in each of our hearts to contribute something that will outlast our presence. - Page 183
As I look across today’s landscape, I must say I’m shaken. The rate of divorce has increased significantly since the 1960s, often due to infidelity. - Page 184
Regardless of the reasons, it’s evident by watching the statistics of our land that we’ve sown to the wind, and now we’re reaping the whirlwind. - Page 185
Every husband should ask his wife… Page 186
Every wife should ask her husband… Page 187
Every couple should share and discuss with each other… Page 188

Chapter Weekly Reading: James 1:1-25

1. What would you like to have as the wording on your tombstone which would reflect the life you want to live?

2. What decisions do you have to make NOW to make that possible?

3. As a result of this study, how specifically have your “posted guards” at your heart that will keep you from giving in to temptation?

4. When are you planning to ask your wife the questions (for husbands to ask they wife) in chapter 12? Do you plan on recording her answers so that you can review them and learn from them?

5. James 4:7, 8 says we humble ourselves before God….how do you do that? And it says we should draw close to Him, and He would draw close to us. Practically, how does a man do these two things in today’s world?

Chapters 13 through 15 are summary chapters for general principles relating to Beneath the Surface, you may or may not want to use the chapters in a group study. If you do, feel free to craft your own teaching points. Don't forget to check out the Appendix of all of the interesting facts and stats regarding pornography.

* About the Book and About the Author sections are both populated with information from the Amazon Web Store.

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