There are many great pets throughout the world, but what pets are truly the best of the best? There are a few obvious choices, and in the top spot: rocks.
1. Rock
Coming in at the number one spot is the most obvious choice, a rock. Rocks have no upkeep, and you never need to feed a rock or clean up its mess. You only ever need to clean it if you get it dirty, and you can paint it or bedazzle it without getting in legal trouble.
Rocks are great listeners, never bark and can be used for self defense in emergencies. For these reasons and many more, rocks are the best pets.
2. Cat
“[Cats are] simultaneously a ten and a one because they are terrible and amazing at the same time, but they’re not a five because that makes them too average,” said cat owner and senior Commodore Hertel.
Cats are relatively small and sleep most of the time, so it’s not like they’d be in the way too often. They’re also very cute and soft which is just great.
Owning cats is “a chore” says Hertel. They need litter boxes, which make a mess. They’re loud, often in the early hours of the morning and find inventive ways of getting in the way.
Cats can be mean, and they seem to hate you at times, but they do help with mental health so they’re number two.
3. Dog
“[Owning a dog is] fun, hard-working sometimes, hard to take care of but fun,” said junior and dog owner Alex Houslander.
They’re cute, play with you and let you know when someone’s at the front door. Houselander ranked them an 8/10 and suggested smaller dogs over larger ones with pomeranians being the best.
4. Snake
“Snakes are sick,” said Hertel, who also owns a snake.
“They really don’t care. You can take them out, and they’ll just look at you and cling to your arm or around your neck,” said Hertel, describing them as low-maintenance.
Their tanks don’t need to be cleaned very often, nor do they need to be fed often, though they do drink a lot of water.
“Unless you’ve trained them to eat frozen mice then you do have to feed them live mice, which if you’re uncomfortable with watching creatures get strangled and eaten then it's a problem,” said Hertel.
Snakes may have unsettling eating habits, but being so low maintenance, it seems wrong to rank them any lower.
5. Rat
“[Rats] are great pets and are actually very clean,” said sophomore and rat owner Natalie Isham.
Rats are rodents, about the size of a person’s hand, and commonly hold an unflattering reputation. Isham’s pet, Juno, however, is “very affectionate and loves to cuddle.”
“They can be messy sometimes, but other than that they are great pets,” said Isham.
With such a small drawback, and such a glowing report of Juno the rat, it is hard to rank them low, though their reputation does bring them down a bit.
6. Turtle
Junior Ender Ross describes owning a turtle as “entirely uninteresting.”
While relatively inexpensive if you buy them from a breeder, should you wish to get one for free, you can grab one if you see one in the wild, but you run the risk of grabbing one that’s not very friendly.
In Michigan you don’t need a license to own the average turtle as long as it isn’t endangered or exotic.
Turtles should be fed twice a day and the tank only needs to be cleaned fully once a month. They’re quiet, resilient, easy to feed and low maintenance, but boring.
Turtles are “very cute” and clearly easy to care for, but they don’t make for very interesting pets.
7. Goldfish
Hertel, who has owned many goldfish throughout his life has had many interesting experiences with owning goldfish. One of Hertel’s goldfish ate its tank-mates and then had to live alone in its own tank.
“There’s nothing great but there’s nothing terrible. They’re a solid five [out of ten],” said Hertel.
Goldfish don’t do a lot, moseying about their tanks and eating what food they can find, staring in whatever direction they happen to face.
“There is no emotion behind those eyes,” said Hertel, calling them a very mid-range pet and kind of dumb.
Goldfish are somewhat interesting at times but otherwise boring and emotionless. They are very mid-range, but emotionless eyes bump it down a few spots.
8. Guinea Pig
Guinea Pigs are many things: they’re a delicacy in some regions of the world and mediocre pets in others.
Having met one, they’re very warm, their nails are really sharp and their cages smell. Kids tend to like them and they’re cute.
“The only downfall is the cleaning of the cage,” said biology teacher Jason Wagner, “but it’s still easier than cleaning a fish tank”.
They’re not very difficult to take care of and are well liked by children, but they’re not as interesting as many other pets.
9. Hamster
“Hamsters aren’t all that great. You can’t really touch them because you’ll break them,” said Hertel who also used to own a hamster
Hertel recounted the story of his hamster’s death, having tunneled too precariously and buried itself. He claims that such a death is common among hamsters, as well as other horrible deaths. He is disappointed by the fact that hamsters are so fragile, but due to their quietness, he still thinks them better than parakeets.
10. Parakeet
“[Parakeets are] fun, at first, when they aren’t as loud,” said Hertel, who owns two parakeets.
They bite you, they’re loud, they’re kept in a cage and can’t go outside, so Hertel ranked them two out of ten.
This however was the lowest rating out of any of the pets on the lists which is why it is ranked 10th.