R.I.P. PaPa The story of How my grandfather's death affected my liFe
It was a sunny Tuesday in February 2010, I was in school and when I got home my family was upset and wanted to talk to me. It was a very depressing and unpleasant atmosphere. All these people whom I love and I always saw as very happy and outgoing people were all an emotional train wreck and devastated. My mom then told me that her mom, my grandmother, had called and told her that PaPa, my grandfather and my mom's dad, was not going to make it because he was dying of lung cancer. So, we were rushing to go to Alpena, MI and to the Alpena Regional Medical Center there. That is the hospital where he stayed until his final day of life on Earth. I didn't know what to think because I have never had to deal with death before this day. I was only 11! I was so upset because he treated all of his grandchildren like his own children and everyone he knew, like his family. I had so many mixed emotions going through me that I couldn't think properly and so my mind and whole body went numb from the emotions coming through me.
As we made our way to the hospital I started to cry. PaPa, I saw as the father I had always seen in movies. He took care of me and loved me and knew when to discipline the children. I tried to distract myself during this tragic time by talking to my family, sleeping, and watching different movies on the DVD player in my mom's truck. Even then, I couldn't take my mind off my favorite of three grandfathers dying this way. I was so sad and mad at the whole situation. The reason he has lung cancer and the reason I was mad was because he did it to himself. He had smoked for years. If he hadn't smoked I feel he may still be here with me to this very day.
PaPa was heavy smoker for as long as I have known him. Me and Kara,my sister, have tried making him stop smoking many times and we tried to convince him it was bad for him, but nothing helped or made him stop smoking. So, since we couldn't stop his bad habit, we gave up and let him destroy his own body.
When we finally hit the Michigan and Indiana border I started to get happy because I was getting closer to seeing my PaPa, even in his critical state. I knew deep down that seeing him would hurt more, but I wished that the thought of seeing him would overpower my sorrow and make me happy, so I wouldn't be sad anymore. I just tried focusing my attention in seeing him and how happy he has always made me for the last five hours of our trip. If I would have thought about his current state, then I would not have been able to stop crying and also would not have been able to see him in hospital because I wouldn't have been able to stop crying while seeing him.
I was so sad that I didn't notice where we were until we made it to Ossineke, MI. We had to stop there first to go to my grandma's house to drop off our luggage and pick her up to go to the hospital. After we had her and were back on the road, I began thinking of all the times we had gone camping as a family because of him. I also kept remembering about all those National Hockey League (NHL) Detroit Red Wings games that we watched and celebrated together as a family because he absolutely loved his Wings. We were about five minutes away when I realized that we were almost at the hospital and I would soon be seeing him.
Once we got to the Alpena Regional Medical Center, the rest of the family got out of the car but I hesitated to go because I just didn't want to see him in pain. I also couldn't wait to see him. I was frozen numb out of pure mixed emotions. When I finally did get out of the car I rushed inside to see him. Once inside my grandma showed us where to go. As soon as we got to the room, I slowly walked over to him. He was in pain, even without him making a noise I could tell. It hurt me knowing he was in this much pain and wished he was healed.
On February 6th, my grandma turned on a Detroit Red Wings hockey game. They were playing the Los Angeles Kings at Los Angeles. Each member of the family went in and out of the room where PaPa was to say their final goodbyes. When I went in there I told him the score of the game 2-1 in favor of the Kings. With less than seven minutes left in the second period... #40 Henrik Zetterberg, PaPa's favorite player, had scored a goal. That year was also my grandparents' 40th anniversary on January 3rd. As soon as Zetterberg scored that goal PaPa's heart monitor went beeeeeeep, he had flatlined (died). My sister, Kara, was in there watching the game, talking to him and saying her final goodbye, but my mom heard the monitor and stopped her to tell her PaPa had passed away and was now in a better place, Heaven. Everyone who was at the hospital for him, had burst into tears and couldn't stop. We all knew he was in a better place, but we couldn't help but miss him and knew he was never coming back. If we all had one wish that day we would have put all of our wishes together to get him healthy and make sure he didn't die.
Everyone who was there for PaPa all knew he wasn't coming back. We were all on an emotional roller coaster thinking,"What are we going to do now because he is gone and we love him and miss him?" We knew the obvious funeral and cremation and burial was going to happen. After we did all this we had sat around and talked about all the good times we had with PaPa. Everyone could agree he never did anyone wrong. My favorite memory of spending time with PaPa was when him and I went on his motorcycle for a ride around Ossineke and back to my grandparents' house. This was the last time he or anyone else for that matter rode the bike before his untimely death. I want to have him back so we can do that again. I want to go camping with him. I just miss him dearly.
Since his death I have been trying much harder to focus on school. I also have been more focused during marching band. PaPa got to see my sister perform in the marching band at the Indiana State Fair, but because of his death and how old I was when he died he wasn't able to see any of my performances. Every time the Noblesville Marching Millers go to the Indiana State Fair Band Day competition and when I'm there performing I will always silently pray to myself that I wished PaPa was here, and to do my very best both in the day and night shows for him. I will continue to think this way throughout my life and hope it will help me.
