If you are an art major and you have climbed up the proverbial career tree and are now precariously perched on a bendy branch a good ways out from the tree’s sturdy trunk (having gone the route of creating your own art and hoping to sell it), you had better definitely and under no circumstances google anything about making a living as an artist.
But if you do this BAD IDEA googly thing which you SHOULD NOT DO, you will find yourself reading such depressing things as:
“Out of 2 million arts graduates nationally, only 10 percent, or 200,000 people, make their primary earnings as working artists.”
“A fine arts degree is the least valuable degree in America, according to a study released by Bankrate, a financial website, which analyzed unemployment, salary and higher education data for 162 college majors.”
You will then either blurt out or scream under your breath: SERIOUSLY!!??
An then, to make matters worse, you will glance down at “People also ask” and see these questions which will only further your despair:
Is it worth majoring in art?
Is art a good career choice?
Do artists make money?
What percentage of artists are successful?
Is art a real career?
I have a friend who likes to tease me about that last one so I bought the domain: artistnotarealjob.com
Clicking the little down arrow next to any of these google questions for the answer is only going to plunge your self-worth further into the mire.
Obviously, I have done this dreadful thing I should not have done. It brought to mind the time I was speaking to a group of students about what I do as an artist. I was expounding on the challenges and the rewards of my work when a teacher asked, “Yes, but you don’t actually make a living at what you do? Do you?” I told the truth. “No,” I answered.
We are now in the month of August. We have passed the year’s midpoint and in my mind… the point of no return. I am not selling enough art to even cover my monthly expenses let alone earn a wage for my time. As each month goes by, the gap widens - a pattern I have seen since this venture began. Balancing the books for my studio business at the end of the month has become a major source of disappointment, pronouncements of failure and other lies of the Enemy — as much if not worse than the feelings evoked by the google search.
Sigh.
I don’t think I know what I’m doing.
And that said… evil twins, Doubt and Dread, quickly launch their hostile takeover.
I slump into a saddened state that may last for days. But I do not stay there, thankfully.
As I share with you the things I have been working on and pondering these past months, I will also tell you how these projects in themselves help me to see possibility (an unofficial motto I have adopted for the year). The art I make is a source of solace, encouragement, hope and edification for myself. It helps pull me out of my slump because it is my way of communing with God. That makes it vital to my life and to my survival.
The Greening Dream
At left: Holy Family With the Mayfly by Michelle L Hofer - 10in x 10in, mixed media on paper, 2021
Last fall, I woke one morning from a dream in which I sensed God was speaking to me. It was quite strange and the meaning was hidden. Normally, the dreams I can remember are related to what is going on in my waking life - my subconscious mind processing what the conscious had experienced. Dreams from God interrupt the identifiable pattern of connection just as this one did…
I am in a bright white room in which there is a large round glass bowl - so large it takes up the entire room. I am there working diligently to fill the glass bowl with all kinds of aquatic plants and moss and finally water. I am creating a giant container water garden. I am filled with great joy as I work. It is a magical experience… for suddenly a variety of creatures show up in the bowl of water among the moss and plants I have placed there. There are fish and a turtle and a magnificent squid. All of them are pure white in color. It’s stunning and I am watching in amazement.
Then, an extra large mayfly, also pure white, comes and lands on the water and the squid swims over to it, raises out of the water and opens his mouth. The mayfly proceeds to climb right on in. He seems to be a bit chalky, not like a mayfly - perhaps more like a moth, and a puff of dust floats up as the squid swallows the mayfly.
Like any dream that does not come with easy connections and understandings, it is best to record it and set it aside. At this point, I leave it up to the Spirit to reveal the significance of such a vision when she sees fit. Being the melancholy person that I am, I initially find encouragement in the fact that this dream was so joyful.
One day in the early months of this year, I saw a Facebook post for a new ministry startup called The Order of Saint Hildegard. Now being the saint curious Protestant I am, I was immediately interested in this venture. I attended three “meet and greet” online events and when the time came, I filled out the application for a position on the organization’s Wisdom Council. I was accepted and attended my first council meeting in June and our first leadership training session in July.
Prior to all this I knew very little about Saint Hildegard of Bingen (1098-1179) and have since been reading and studying her artwork. YES Hildegard was an artist as well as a musical composer, theatrical director, physician, biologist, in other words, your standard polymath. Smile. When I began to learn about her concept of viriditas or greening power, the water garden dream came back to me. It seemed an exact visual for the kind of Spirit-drenched life Hildegard calls believers to grow and tend.
When a forest does not green vigorously, then it is no longer a forest. When a tree does not blossom it cannot be fruitful without the viriditas (greening power) of faith. The soul that is full of wisdom is saturated with the spray of a bubbling fountain, God himself. — Saint Hildegard of Bingen
Also at the beginning of this year, Central Plains Mennonite Conference, my area church conference, invited me to lead an art night over Zoom which I did in March. Though it was a topic I didn’t have a lot of experience with, I decided I would lead my workshop on prayer mandalas. This required me to do some research and study and who should I bump into again as a leading figure in Christian mandala making?… Saint Hildegard of Bingen!
God hugs you. You are encircled by the arms and mystery of God. — Saint Hildegard of Bingen
The mandala prayer method* begins by drawing a circle and I again thought about the water garden dream and viriditas and the fact that the bowl was a large circle.
*A short tutorial of how to create a prayer mandala is available on my website here>
I know without a doubt that God has given me the dream to encourage and affirm me in my work. This is an encounter with the tender side of God that never ceases to amaze me. Painting the dream became a way to declare God’s goodness and his special love for me. Then during my work on this piece I came across the following Scripture…
And God will swallow up the oppression that weighs us down. He will take away the heavy shroud that is draped over all peoples of the world. God will swallow up death forever. The Lord, the Eternal, will wipe away the tears from each and every face and deflect the scorn and shame His people endure from the whole world, for the Eternal determined that is should be so.
Isaiah 25:7-8
God swallowing up oppression and death like a magnificent squid swallows up an ugly dry powdery mayfly? AND that feeling of pure joy that I remember from the dream fits this removal of scorn and shame also mentioned. All my woes over having a scornful college degree and being monetarily unsuccessful feel less important about now.
One more thing… After tracking down the only famous artwork containing a mayfly, an etching of the Holy Family by Albrecht Dürer, I stole his title. It just worked for me.
Imaginemos!
At right: Eat — Peter’s Vision by Michelle L Hofer, 8in x 10in, mixed media on paper, 2021
Commissions can be extremely challenging and sometimes that means they become less enjoyable. That was not my experience working on a commission for Central Plains Mennonite Conference. This project had me excited from the moment it was pitched.
Our conference ministry team invited us to meditate with them on the theme Imaginemos! Let Us Imagine Together - a call to ponder/engage new ways to both follow Christ and spread the Gospel in these changing times. I think that is marvelous — a way to create more space for the Spirit to move. Both the project and the Acts 10 text spurred me to think radically about the weight/authority we give to Scripture versus allowing the Spirit to work.
Acts 10 gives the account of Peter having a vision in which he is commanded to EAT - going against what he knew Scripture instructed. God’s response to Peter’s objections is: “If God calls something permissible and clean, you must not call it forbidden and dirty!” The whole vision is a metaphor for the acceptance of Gentiles into the family of God. This is God acting in a radical and unpredictable way! Acceptance and understanding to move forward will require out of the box thinking/imagination of Peter and us too.
This artwork appeared in the February issue of CPMC’s Scattered Seeds print publication along with my artist statement:
I like a good metaphor. God’s imaginative way of clarifying who is eligible to receive the Good News of Christ is a wonderful example. My artwork centers on Peter’s vision:
Egyptian style — an artistic style I’ve loved since I was a child. I am using the language and forms of the Egyptian culture/religion to convey how strange God’s instructions sounded to Peter.
Three ravens carry a sheet from heaven — these are symbolic of the heavens opening and the vision repeating three times. Some translations use “rift” or “tear” to describe the sky opening. I recently learned ravens are not considered birds of prey because they tear and stab at their food with their beaks instead using their talons.
A menagerie of “unclean” animals — depicted in white and gold to illustrate God’s declaration of “clean” and a connection to a strange dream I had recently featuring all-white animals. The arrangement is reminiscent of Edward Hicks’ Peaceable Kingdom symbolizing God’s intention for peoples of all nations to be unified in the hearing of the Gospel.
The word “eat” — written in Egyptian hieroglyphics. In Peter’s vision, “eat” meant “accept”. Other instances in Scripture where “eat” is symbolic come to mind — Ezekiel receiving a scroll and Christ offering bread.
Perhaps you were struck with a sense of confusion in viewing this piece. That is intentional. I wish to incite an initial reaction similar to Peter’s. Finding the meaning and messages hidden within requires careful and imaginative effort. What other messages might this visual interpretation bring to us?
Then the word of the Lord came to Elijah:
“Leave here, turn eastward and hide in the Kerith Ravine, east of the Jordan. You will drink from the brook, and I have directed the ravens to supply you with food there.”
So he did what the Lord had told him. He went to the Kerith Ravine, east of the Jordan, and stayed there. The ravens brought him bread and meat in the morning and bread and meat in the evening, and he drank from the brook.
I Kings 17:2-6
I took some time this past winter to make a couple ceramic pieces I had been thinking about for a long while: two sculptures of Elijah’s Raven. The raven bringing bread to Elijah has come to represent the ways God sees and cares for me in periods of long-suffering.
While speaking with my spiritual director once about the gifts born in such times, a dream that gave me guidance on other occasions came to mind: I was going to the Egyptian Superstore to purchase black ravens. I only needed 13, but my husband who was along convinced me to grab 2 more.
I decided to make additional versions of these Egyptian-style ravens for wall display. Then I had a new thought not long after completing these. Those golden disks of bread now reminded me of gold coins and the phrase “a prophet’s reward” popped into my head.
What’s a prophet’s reward?
Well, it turns out Jesus was the one to talk about it…
Anyone who welcomes you welcomes Me, and anyone who welcomes Me welcomes the One who sent Me. Anyone who welcomes a prophet and surrenders to his prophecy will receive a prophet’s reward, and anyone who welcomes a righteous person and conforms to the righteousness that surrounds him and proceeds from him will receive a righteous man’s reward. And anyone who has given so much as a cup of cold water to one of the little ones, because he is My disciple, I tell you, that person will be well rewarded.
Matthew 10:40-42
Yes, but what exactly is a prophet’s reward?
I found the commentaries don’t all agree, but most fall into two main interpretations:
- The reward is being given by the prophet to the person who has welcomed him — such as Elisha telling the woman who has graciously hosted him that she will bear a son.
- The reward is the heavenly reward given to the prophet for his earthly work — the person welcoming the prophet will also receive this reward or a portion of it in heaven.
Either way, those doing right by the prophets, the righteous, and the little ones will be blessed. I am grateful for the Spirit’s illumination of Scripture through my continuing work with this subject.
I have one deep, supreme desire, that I may be like Jesus. To this I fervently aspire, that I may be like Jesus. I want my heart His throne to be so that a watching world may see His likeness shining forth in me. I want to be like Jesus.
He spent His life in doing good; I want to be like Jesus. In lowly paths of service trod; I want to be like Jesus. He sympathized with hearts distressed, He spoke the words that cheered and blessed; He welcomed sinners to His breast. I want to be like Jesus.
A holy, harmless life He led; I want to be like Jesus. The Father's will, His drink and bread, I want to be like Jesus. And when at last He comes to die, "Forgive them, Father" Hear Him cry for those who taunt and crucify. I want to be like Jesus.
O perfect life of Christ, my Lord! I want to be like Jesus. My recompense and my reward, that I may be like Jesus. His Spirit fill my hungering soul, His power all my life control; my deepest prayer, my highest goal, that I may be like Jesus.
Hymn lyrics by Thomas O. Chisholm
A Long Obedience in the Same Direction
In February I resumed work on my midlife self-portrait. I started the project when I was about to turn 45 and then at some point shortly after set it aside. I decided to make this the focus of my daily art making practice.
This project is challenging as I am working in a realistic style - a style I do not prefer. I am not working much beyond 30 minutes a day and often less than that, yet I am making progress as you can see above. For a while I thought when I get the chance… I will spend larger amounts of time on this… maybe finish by the end of the year.
But now I look at the whole project much differently. Each day I post a progress photo on social media. The difference from one day to the next is virtually imperceptible. While a few folks have commented about how long the project seems to be taking (will you ever be finished??), others have pointed out the connection to the spiritual journey where making progress from day to day is also undetectable. This idea really grabbed me and now I do believe I will leave this project as a daily exercise giving it just a small amount of time. Maybe it will take ten years, maybe it will be done in two. I can’t say. But I like how this project pushes against the societal craving for quick/instant results.
We miss out on contemplation, thoughtfulness, the satisfaction of small wins, etc. when we make the end result our one and only objective and look only for the fastest route there. I have already gained much in the ponderings that have been happening when I pull up to the easel each day.
When Eugene Peterson wrote his book, A Long Obedience in the Same Direction, he was thinking about that very thing: How do we do discipleship in an instant society? He talks about witnessing in the saints of old a fusion between studying Scripture and prayer every day across the years of their lives. This is how the work of sanctification takes place. This is how we gradually become Christ-like WHICH is what my self-portrait is actually about.
I’ve chosen to copy the mid-life self-portrait of Renaissance artist, Albrecht Dürer. He boldly painted himself in a full-frontal view, a pose which in his day was only reserved for portraits of Jesus Christ. Everyone else was to be portrayed in a side view. It is believed Dürer chose to do this not out of arrogance, but out of his sense of discipleship and becoming Christlike — the visual equivalent of singing, “I want to be like Jesus.”
In closely studying Dürer’s portrait I noted that he is using tiny lines to add details - it’s reminiscent of his engraving work. But these are also is a nod to Byzantine icon art in which the application of highlights is done using tiny curved lines known as enliveners. They are a design element meant to give life, energy, and luminosity to the subject. Celtic Gospel illuminators used tiny red dots in a similar way to enliven the words of Scripture.
Much of my recent work has been around the addition of highlights onto the coat and are being done with enliveners. These details are not noticeable when standing even two to three feet from the portrait.
A Possibility ???
At the beginning of this newsletter I shared what has become a personal struggle: the matter of money being an indicator of success, value, or worth. I share also because not sharing it is to keep it hidden and in the dark recesses of my mind where it does the most damage or worse… actually convinces me to give up.
I am contemplating and praying over starting a Patreon account. Patreon is an online endeavor that allows artists, musicians, film-makers, and other creatives to offer their followers and supporters and opportunity to make monthly monetary contributions in support the work of the artist. For those I know who have tried this it has done wonders to shut down the “I can’t cover my expenses” monster, boost self-worth and sense of value in the world.
I have actually been supporting a favorite musician through Patreon for a few years now. I get just as excited as he does when he shares that he bought a new keyboard and shows us all the cool things he can now do with it. I want to see him thrive and continue his work which benefits my life too.
Patreon would be an opportunity for me to do some special things just for those who lend me financial support. It would also be a way to cover costs of much larger art projects meant for public display. The beauty is that Patreon allows for even very minimal contributions to be collected such as $1-2 monthly donations.
Bringing this whole issue into the light, I welcome your feedback. How would you encourage me to press on?* Do you see the value in what I do? In my exploration of images and Scriptures and ideas that inspire me to make things?
*Mind you at this juncture of life I do not have the time or energy to run a side hustle such as offering private lessons, hosting art parties, etc. (often these are massive time/energy sucks that don’t make a profit either).
Revisiting the Past
I recently felt led to reread the Scriptures around Elijah being fed by ravens in the desert. Elijah has no backstory whatsoever in the pages of Scripture. We do not know how he grew up or how he became a prophet. Like the creatures appearing suddenly in my water garden dream, so Elijah appears before King Ahab with one defiant sentence:
As the Eternal lives — the True God who gives life to the Israelites, the God whom I serve — no rain or dew will touch the earth unless I give word. — I Kings 17:1
Immediately God directs Elijah to take cover out in the desert where he will drink from the stream of Cherith and receive bread and meat from the ravens. But then the stream runs dry and Elijah is then told to go to Zarephath where a widow will take care of him. He does this and finds a woman out collecting sticks. Elijah asks if she might bring him some water and bread. Right away the woman says she has no bread and that she was actually collecting sticks to make one last fire over which she would bake just one last cake of bread with the small amount of oil and flour she has left for her son and herself. “It’s all over for us,” she tells the prophet.
Elijah: “I assure you that it’s not over for you yet. Don’t be afraid. Continue what you were doing, but make a small bread cake for me first, and bring it her to me. Then you and your son may eat your own bread cakes. This is the message of the Eternal God of Israel: “The flour and the oil will not run out until the moment when the Eternal showers the earth with rain.” — I Kings 17:13
And that is what happens. But there is a twist in the story. One day the son of the woman becomes gravely ill, so ill he dies. The woman, clutching the boy’s body in her shock and grief, fires bitter and angry questions at Elijah: “What wickedness have I committed agains you, man of God?”
The prophet takes the dead boy from his distraught mother’s arms and up to his room where he pleads: “O my True God, the Eternal, I beg you to bring this boy back to life!”
The God of all tenderness and mercy hears Elijah and the boy is resurrected. The story ends with a rejoicing testimony of faith from the woman.
I like to ask myself… where is seeing possibility being acted upon in this story of Elijah, the woman and her son? Can you see how the One Elijah proclaims as the “True God who gives life” offers LIFE throughout these stories?
Looking back to what was going on in Israel right before Elijah’s appearance, we find the horrific story of a man named Hiel from Bethel who has wholeheartedly embraced the worship of Baal and all of it’s customs. We read how in his decision to rebuild the walls of Jericho which have lain in ruin since the day of Joshua, Hiel sacrifices his firstborn son and buries the body at the foundation of the new construction. But this is not enough to ensure favor from Baal, so he does it again sacrificing his youngest son and burying his body in the foundation of the city gates.
Israel had lost her ability to see any possibility in the Eternal God. Israel has forgotten the God who gives life and has become instead slaves to a god who requires death.
And now the bread brought by the raven has another meaning… LIFE.
The True God is a giver of LIFE.
Following these stories is one of my favorite passages of Scripture — how Elijah tests Israel’s loyalty to Baal and challenges them to once again see possibility in the God they had totally abandoned. You can read it in chapter 18 of I Kings.
I have long identified with Elijah and with other prophets. After rereading his stories, I have been carrying a great deal of sorrow for Elijah - he faced some real shit. I can’t imagine… yet, in a small way, it resonates with me when I allow negative thoughts around having chosen “the least valuable degree” and when it costs me more to make art than what I can earn selling it.
If you want the truth, this is what the Eternal has to say: "You will remain in Babylon for 70 years. When that time is over, I will come to you, and I will keep My promise of bringing you back home. For I know the plans I have for you," says the Eternal, "plans for peace, not evil, to give you a future and a hope — never forget that." At that time, you will call our for Me, and I will hear. You will pray, and I will listen. You will look for Me intently, and you will find Me. Yes, I will be found by you," says the Eternal, "and I will restore your fortunes and gather you from all the nations where you've been scattered — all the places where I have driven you. I will bring you back to the land that is your rightful home."
Jeremiah 29:10-11
FINAL THOUGHTS
The worth of doing something does not always amount to financial gain or freedom, or popularity or even acceptance — this reality can easily become a heavy burden. Even a great prophet like Elijah had his moments of despair and depression in that way.
My friends, it IS true that the worth of doing something good and right and honorable ultimately leads to life…
IF… we are willing to see possibility.