How To Talk to a College Student A quick guide

Let's set the stage...

Your students are away from home to attend college. You want to talk and know how they are doing, but when you ask, you get one word replies, or something else that you wonder if you've just been brushed off.

You feel invisible and unwanted. Maybe you and your spouse are talking about how you have lost the position of authority in your child's life. It isn't the first time you've said, "They are off the rails!"

Here's our encouragement!

First, stop asking questions. Those "what" and "how" preludes no longer work. There are a variety of reasons why the probing questions may meet with resistance or defensiveness. I do not pretend to know all of your family dynamics. What I do have is a glimpse of God's design in the ways in which every person is made (mind, body, and soul) and how every one of us change and grow throughout our lifetimes. (For a summary look at the six stages of life, check out this article "Family Relationships Develop Through a Lifetime.")

Second, understand where the defensiveness comes from. Your student has many desires and expectations for their life. They want so desperately to prove they can be an adult and be successful at it. They want to make a difference in the world and for their lives to have meaning and purpose. They want to be in the center of God's will and they're afraid they are going to miss it, and be miserable the rest of their lives! Alongside of their dreams to succeed, their feelings of worry and fear of failure are stifling. So...when you ask questions hoping to connect with them and still be a part of their lives, what they hear you asking hits all of those fear buttons.

Instead, turn it around. Tell them how proud you are of their courage to be at college and to go after God's will in their lives. (After all, that is what you have been praying for since they were a baby, right?!)

Tell them that you've "got their back!" Become their prayer warriors.

How can I pray for you right now,

this week,

or this month?

Slowly, most assuredly, the conversations will grow. Those small treasures of who they are will begin to show up in their prayer requests. You will have new courage to be able to give them fully to the Lord and trust in His faithfulness to equip them and work through them.

May your relationships be the most amazing and all the more beautiful as you develop this new level of conversation together.