Near the end of my 8th grade year, one of my brothers committed suicide. To those close to him this news was beyond startling. This news sent waves throughout the ISB community as Christian attended the school for two years. Although the time he spent at this school was short, his impact on the community was large. Christian Winkles was an extraordinary athlete, theater enthusiast, and amazing friend to those close to him. While here he directed a handful of plays and was the captain of volleyball and rugby for two years. The manner of his death should have opened the conversation for mental health awareness at ISB, and while it did spread some awareness, I’m not sure it made the impact warranted for such a tragedy. The reason I’m writing this article is because there appears to be room to address mental health issues more openly and thoroughly. I believe we all know about mental health awareness, but we don’t necessarily know the proper steps to take. In reality there is no ‘right’ way to tackle mental health issues. The way I tackled it worked for me, and I hope that my experience can help those in their own mental problems.
At the start of my 9th grade year, I was a thirteen year old boy, going into a new environment of high school by myself, after facing extreme trauma, without the role model I had followed my entire life. My freshman year I blocked out any feelings of sadness or thoughts about my brother. I filled my days with activities. When I had no sports or clubs, I hung out with friends. When nobody was free, I rode around on my bike or listened to music. This worked all the way through my freshman year until the end when Covid-19 hit. It left everyone indoors and quarantined. This meant that I had no sports, no clubs, and no friends allowed to go out. I still had music and video games, but when you do that for 10 hours a day it starts to get a little stale. Luckily sophomore year started and I was able to see my friends but everything was different. The sun didn’t shine the same way. My music didn’t make me feel as good. My video games became boring. Everything changed overtime to a point where I didn’t enjoy doing the things I liked before. I didn’t know why it wasn’t the same and it frustrated me. These negative feelings hit an all time low near Christmas time. Suicide doesn’t end the problems the person is facing, it passes them onto those near and dear.I tried all semester long to deal with my problems head on by myself but eventually, I couldn’t hold the weight anymore.
I reached out for help to my parents. I told them how I felt, what I've been going through and what I need. My parents advised me to get a counselor. I didn’t like the idea of counseling and I expressed my feelings about it towards my parents. My parents showed nothing but support and allowed me to take the steps needed for a safe recovery and improvement of my mental health. It wasn’t an easy or short walk, in fact I’m still on that walk. Everyday gets a bit easier and I feel better. Of course I take some steps back but I’m constantly waking up instead of falling down. When my brother took his life, it created a void. I tried to fill the void with what made me happy before but I had to come to the realization that nothing will ever fill that void. I learned to appreciate what I have around me as the next day it could be gone. Instead of living in fear of change, I embraced change. If I could give any advice to anyone struggling with any form of mental illness or sadness, it would be to speak up. When I spoke up, I was shocked by the amount of care I received, by the number of people who want the best for me. I was busy fighting a battle by myself when there were people more than willing to help me. A great place to start is with the ISB counselors. They are more than willing to help and help set you up with a counselor to your preference. The worst thing you can do is stay quiet and handle it by yourself. This is the easiest option but honestly, it has the highest chances of causing you more harm than good. How I recovered from my brothers suicide is I learned to live with, accept and learn from the void he left.
Unfortunately, I am not the only person at ISB who needs to or has needed to work through significant trauma. Mr. Rhul, our school's psychologist, in an interview said that mental health struggles at ISB have increased “because of the pandemic.” Like what I was going through during the pandemic, other students were also facing similar challenges. When asked if mental health has improved or worsened over the years, he responded with “The need for help has definitely gone up in the past few years.” The need for students to speak up and to advocate for their own health is crucial. I hope this article reaches the right audience and promotes advocacy in some