By Francesca Stamati

As soon as the doctor left the office, then-sixth-grader Ann Smith* felt her mother's glare — she knew what that look meant. Smith had done something wrong.

On the car ride home after her mental health screening, Smith felt that she was a little too honest in her answers. She saw it in her mom’s eyes and heard it in the restrained anger in her voice when she asked “Did you even understand his questions?” To Smith's mom, mental illness was a taboo topic to discuss within the family, much less with her child's pediatrician, who recommended therapy.

As teenagers like Smith seek open conversations about mental health, conflicts emerge between children and parents who feel less comfortable sharing emotions, leading to strained family relationships and shame around mental illnesses.

At East, students discuss personal struggles with counselors, teachers and peers in organizations like Sources of Strength, a club intended to promote mental health awareness. Despite the openness in school, 53% of students still feel uncomfortable talking to their parents about mental health, according to an Instagram poll of 181 students. Now-junior Smith is one of them.

That’s why it wasn’t until high school that Smith started consistently seeing a therapist — without her mom’s knowledge.

Former Prairie Village psychologist Sally Pollock, who specialized in a variety of adolescent mental health issues for over 40 years, has seen a generational shift in mental health awareness. Compared to clients she helped at the beginning of her career, young patients were more open to expressing emotions and often better informed on mental health.

She attributes this increased awareness to social media, a platform for discussion and education that parents lacked as teens. As a result, many parents grew up believing mental health should be dealt with privately, or not at all — and still retain this attitude.

“Parents feel uncomfortable with the idea that their child would have mental health issues [because to them] it still feels like a flaw,” Pollock said.

Judgment and unwillingness to discuss mental health at home can create a strained relationship between parents and teens, according to Pollock. If a child fears their parents will accuse them of lying about their illness or suggest they “suck it up,” this can lead to resentment and mistrust in families. In therapy, she often saw bottled-up anger often released through yelling, screaming and cussing on both sides.

For Smith, it resulted in a quiet house. She avoids any conversation with her parents now. When her dad gets home from work, she takes long showers to avoid talking. When her mom asks how her day was, she mumbles “fine” before rushing upstairs to her room.

“We live under the same roof, but I’m on my own,” she said.

For some students, opening up is easier when parents make the effort. Talking about mental health with her mom and therapist has dramatically affected how senior Anna Galvin copes with her struggles. She’s grateful to have supportive parents and wishes all families would actively promote open discussions to confront the stigma within homes.

“I know some people are against therapy and don’t believe that it helps them, but therapy has helped me so much with my mental health and getting everything out,” Galvin said. “If I’m telling my mom or therapist something, it makes me feel so relieved, and a huge weight lifts off my shoulders.”

To have productive conversations with hesitant parents, Pollock recommends that children research their symptoms and ease parents into a discussion. However, for urgent symptoms such as suicidal thoughts, she encourages teens to be direct in seeking support.

In response, parents should emphasize that sharing mental issues is admirable, not shameful, she said.

“It’s got to be the adolescents that do the educating of their parents,” Pollock said. “Some parents are wonderful about it and very supportive of their children when they’re struggling with mental health issues. The ones that aren’t, they’re still stuck in that stigma. Gentle sharing of information by adolescents to adults, bringing up mental health occasionally, openness — that’s how you show your parents how to confront mental health stigmas.”