Photo of Bangkok Skyline by Author 2021
9 years ago my family decided to move from Arizona to Thailand. I currently have spent more time living in Asia than I have living in America. I’m stuck between two worlds as I am a foreigner in Thailand being an expat but a foreigner in America as well because of my limited time living there. I speak the language and look the part yet if left on my own I would be lost. If I get dropped on a random street in Bangkok I could get home in an hour. If you drop me on a random street in Phoenix I wouldn’t know where to start. I visit Arizona every year and even have a home there. When I visit I feel comfortable but that’s mostly because I’m with my family. Moving back and staying nearly permanently, going to one of the largest universities in the nation, living in a dorm room with complete strangers has me a little nervous.
For one, I don’t have any friends there. I haven’t heard from my childhood friends since I left 9 years ago. The community and relationships I have were built in Thailand. The experiences I’ve had will be different than those in Arizona. I can bet that everyone going to ASU most likely graduated from highschool but I can’t bet on all of us having the same experiences.
I feel prepared for college but I don’t at the same time. I think with the school work I'll be fine but socially I’ll struggle. Being in the same area for so long, I haven’t had to make friends. I either stick with my same group or just naturally become friends with people. I don’t remember what it was like being new somewhere and having to introduce myself. The people here at ISB generally have a good idea of who I am and vice versa. This way of meeting new people doesn’t work when nobody has context of who I am.
Leaving Thailand has taught me something important. I always considered Arizona my home. I was born there so obviously it has to be my home right? I think living in Thailand has taught me what the definition of home is. I don’t think home is just a location or past experiences, I think home is where you feel most comfortable and can truly be yourself. This is why I consider Thailand to be my home over Arizona. I may be from Arizona but moving back has me feeling like I’m leaving my home. I’m coming ‘home’ but I feel foreign.