Over the course of the semester, we have participated in a letter exchange, sharing stories, thoughts, and learning a lot about what life is like on this inside of a prison. Through these letters, the flawed prison system controlling much of the United States became apparent. Our interactions were used to form new understandings and further our awareness of the incarcerated and the struggles they face. In the midst of heavy subjects and tough conversations, Panda, our partner from the inside, sheds light on the reality of being in prison - the good and the bad. Our efforts for creating this exchange is to showcase the obvious hardships brought on from prison, as well as the good a person can bring from the experience. Everything has a Heaven and a Hell to it, even life in prison.
To start off the conversation, we each shared an introductory letter answering "who are you?" Just a brief description of ourselves led to abundant information shared on our beliefs, interests, and insight to our personalities. From the beginning, Panda shared his lighthearted manner and love for silly jokes. It became clear how easy it would be to connect to him and learn from his experiences.
Introduction to Panda, Lilac, Lavender, and Twilight
Letter from Panda
Letter from Lilac
Letter from Lavender
Letter from Twilight
"I was born in London, England, and lived there until I was ten years old. I enjoyed living in that amazing city, although the schools there were challenging and strict. When I was nine years old, I moved to a farm town in New York. I experienced a lot of culture shock because I saw pigs from my bedroom window and people driving tractors to work. I hated living in such a quiet and small town, but the one great thing was the local public school. On my first day of 4th grade I met some amazing people who are still my best friends to this day. As the years went by I grew to love the farm town and continued my love for the people around me. Although, it was always clear to me that I would move back to a city for college, and it would be a warm one. I stayed true to this as I now study at the University of Miami. There have been many ups and downs in the short five months I’ve been here, but I think I made the right decision for college. What was your childhood like?" -Twilight
Why Heaven and Hell?
Letter from Panda
Heaven
Although much of the prison experience is a Hell, there is potential to find the parts that feel like Heaven. Through the exchange, we learned how Panda was capable of turning this sentence into something more than just waiting for the time to tick away. As the optimistic, lighthearted guy he is, he finds ways in which he can feel comfort while in a very dreary place. His Heaven is heavily derived from his individual qualities, not prison itself, and how he was able to turn his experience around to grow and change himself. The following examples are parts of how he bettered his situation in order to find light in such a dark place.
Letter from Lilac
Support From Family and Friends
Quotes from anonymous partners on the inside
Relationships are essential for all, and can prove to be extremely important while in prison. Being supported is a needed aspect to allow growth, giving the idea that people want them to reform. Panda has a supportive family and group of friends within prison, and he states that "without my support system and prison family, I would not be where I am today nor would I be talking to you". As difficult as relationships may be to build, the support and encouragement they bring are essential for growth.
Letters from Panda
A Lighthearted, Comedic Mindset
Quotes from anonymous partners on the inside
Letter from Lilac
Something we took note of through our exchanges with Panda is his optimistic mindset filled with humor and random jokes. From the beginning introductory letters, Panda used puns and humor to convey his voice. He shares stories of silliness in prison and some of the funniest things he has heard or seen. He turns situations that would normally bring someone down into a more positive light and never fails to show his gratitude for the things he appreciates. His positivity was something he worked long and hard for, and that perspective is one that everyone can learn from and relate to.
Letter from Panda
Programs
Programs in prions include the Exchange for Change, GED, faith and character, college, drug treatment, mental health classes, self-betterment programs and dorms, and building construction. These programs vary from facility to facility, but intend to guide rehabilitation. Taking courses and being involved in different programs allows for people on the inside to find that needed purpose to grow. Without it, life can feel unimportant and unintentional. Panda has created a sense of purpose through helping other's receive their GEDs and fostering growth in people surrounding him.
GEDS
A GED is what Panda calls the "Good Enough Diploma" granted to some individuals in prison. Panda teaches courses to give himself and other inmates a purpose in prison. Being able to teach and encourage others to earn their diploma provides him with the ability to make good out of a difficult situation. There are different courses available and diverse groups of people taking them. The ages of his students range all the way from 23 to 68, and intend to initiate growth for them all. He fosters growth through his teachings, forcing people to consider that "in prison you can become as smart as possible, or as dumb as possible, which one do you want to be".
Letter from Panda
A Typical Learning Space Layout
Letter from Lilac
Community and Camaraderie Through Programming
Heaven Derives From The Individual
Something that we quickly learned from our exchanges with Panda was that he wasn't going to allow the circumstances he is under to define who he is, the mindset he holds, and his aspirations in life. The more we started analyzing the Heaven vs Hell concept we made the connection that the majority of what provides the "Heaven like" feeling and comfort in prison derives mostly from the individual. In prison all the odds are stacked against you, and one of the only ways you can grow and live with a sense of optimism and hope is to have the intrinsic motivation to do so. Your happiness is almost completely reliant on your own self while incarcerated.
Letter From Lilac
Hell
We learned the many aspects of prison life that embody Hell from Panda's letters. Living in a small and dark cell will negatively affect anyones mental health, and high tensions lead to fights and violence which makes living in a cell even worse. Being a part of the LGBTQ+ community can isolate and exclude inmates. A lot of inmates aren't accepting and you constantly have to watch your back. One of the most Hellish aspects of prison life is things missed from the outside. Everything is so limited, and there is a big lack of food, movies, and music. These aspects can often outweigh the Heaven side of prison, and we will dive deeper into each one.
Cell Living
Within a prison, one's bedroom is a small, isolating space with any hope for comfort and individualism ripped out. The comfort is very much lacking, walls made of cement is one thing, but having "prison beds suck" is another. As the comfort of a bed is something many people on the outside enjoy, lacking that furthers the loss of humanity once a foot is stepped into a prison.
Letter from Panda
Fights & Violence
Letter from Panda
In a high tension place with many angry, upset, and intense people being watched over by overbearing guards, it is easy to lose your temper. For many, violence is a coping mechanism. It is not uncommon for arguments to break out into physical fights, many ending in serious injury or even death.
Letter from Panda
Letter from Lilac
Cliques
Inside prison, groups of people can be very cliquey and judgmental. For people who are not like the majority, they can face discrimination and further isolation. For the LGBTQ+ community, they are excluded from all others and considered their own group of people. This is because people on the inside are "insecure and homophobic" and there is a stigma around hanging around homosexual men in prison. Furthermore, there is separation based upon race, affiliation, crime, and religion. Any difference that would be more accepted on the outside, is exaggerated on the inside, causing exclusion and isolation. For Panda, he enjoys knowing all kinds of people so avoids placing judgements based on their stereotype, however, he often gets judged for this choice.
Letter from Panda
Letter from Lavender
Writing from someone on the inside sharing their insight and experience of being apart of the LGBTQ+ community.
Reception Process
When entering a prison, the reception process begins. This is a humanity stripping experience that leaves one feeling demeaned, damaged, and like an animal. The reception process involves taking away all individualism in a person, leaving them in their prison uniform looking like everyone else. Tests, security checks, and other procedures are followed to determine one's danger level and the type of security they need. Under a constant watch, people live their days during the reception process on eggshells, as they see parts of themselves being ripped away.
Letter from Panda
Things Missed From the Outside
In being away from the things one loves, it is assumable that there will be a lot missed. For many, this includes foods, people, objects, clothes, and hobbies or privacy, comfort, support, and hope. Being away from freedom pushes one to consider how important things were to them and how much they miss it. For Panda, one small thing he wishes he could have is pizza. Something constantly in a cafeteria or easy to find in any restaurant on the outside world is so scarce and limited on the inside.
Letter from Panda
Demons
Just as there is an angel in Heaven, there are demons in Hell. These demons represent the guards. In prison, guards have been trained to hate inmates and avoid treating them with respect. The relationship between an incarcerated person and guard is hostile, causing a dominance and authority over the individual.
Quote from Anonymous Parter on the Inside
Hell Derives From The System
In a contrasting light, much of the Hell-like aspects of prison are created from the foundational basis that prison systems have formed. Prison is not a conducive space for education, personal growth, and relationship building just to name a few. Unlike the "Heaven" of prison, many of these factors that make up Hell are direct results from both the actual physical structure of prison, the cells, or from the intangible component of how the system runs such as the reception process. The unfortunate fact is that the system is always in control where as the individual can only do so much; thus, Hell is the predominant reality for many of those on the inside.
Letter From Lilac
Where to go from here
Now that we have the insight and credibility to speak about this system, it's our responsibility as a collective to change it. This entire exchange has been a Heaven for both Panda and ourselves on the outside. We need to take any opportunity we have to change the other aspects of prison that we classified as "Hell" and turn them into a Heaven. That may look like reform, it may look like restorative justice, and it may even look like abolition all together.
Letter From Lilac
Steps we can take from the outside to allow for change on the inside:
- Educate others while continuing to educate ourselves.
- Start conversations
- Advocate for more betterment programs like Exchange 4 Change.
- Vote
Letter From Lavender
Ways You Can Get Involved
If you have interest in learning more about programs such as Exchange For Change (E4C) or want to get involved in different projects that are attempting to change the system and stigma surrounding prison, take some time to check out these websites that will share plentiful amounts of information as well as provide steps in which you can get integrated into these communities.
Exchange for Change: https://www.exchange-for-change.org
The Frederick Douglas Project: https://www.douglassproject.org
Works Cited
Panda. Letters to Lilac, Lavender, and Twilight. 27 April. 2022. “UM Exchange for Change (E4C) Collection, Spring 2022.”
Credits:
Created with images by Konstantin - "flight over the clouds. view of the clouds from the airplane window" • tapaton - "white wings of bird on black background" • modify260 - "movement of fire flames isolated on black background." • alswart - "Jail Cell And Black Hands" • Nicola Simeoni - "Fire red. In the flames. Krampus, Christmas devils"